I don’t think I am alone.
I don’t think I am the only woman who has got to her early forties and suddenly thought, “what the feck?”. How did I get here, what is my purpose, where am I going, how will I be fulfilled.
Two years ago, anxiety hit me like a car crash. I look back now and struggle to recognise the woman who bit her lips until they were bloody because of fear of the future, who went to bed every night caged in terror, and woke up the next day to hear the key turning tighter in the lock.
The pain that I went through, I appreciate now, because it has shaped me more and created a different vision for my life.
I still occasionally get an anxious voice in my head, but I can talk to it, soothe it the way you do a nervous child. I can let it know that I have the reins, I am in charge and I have my shit together. That is can step down and chill out.
I only got here though with an exceptional support network and an incredible amount of self-learning, and a coach.
The emotion I fight more now is anger, which I have to work to keep in check.
Because as I said at the start, I don’t think I am alone.
As my kids need me less and less, as they mature, I finally have time to myself, to really work on my passions, and yet the world I used to inhabit, I feel less and less relevant to.
I see women who took career breaks to raise a family say the same, women who compromised on their skill to take a part time role because the role they did before was “too big” to do on reduced hours. All these people who have compromised parts of themselves for something else.
Then Covid came along, and all parents found whatever job they were doing, they were doing with the kids at home, and probably working more hours than ever before.
I am angry because for a year I thought I had a time limit on my life, that despite life beginning at 40, it was actually the start of a steady decline.
I am abundant with ideas, with passions, of ways I can grow my career, influence my style of life. I am slowly working out directions, and most importantly, I am enjoying my life. Living in the moment, despite being in a lockdown. I am laughing more than not, and the cogs are coming together.
This is my lightbulb moment.
There is no script for life.
The limitations that we perceive are ones we place on ourselves (but society may reinforce it).
If you say you can’t; you are probably right.
If you say you can, and go for it with a balls out attitude, then you are probably right.
This lesson I learnt the hard way.
Age is simply a number, aspirations, drive and passion are in us all – it is how you use them that counts.
This is my lightbulb moment, I gave away a year of my life to worry about future. But for the rest of my time on this planet – I am owning every moment and helping others own theirs.
What is your lightbulb moment?