On the occasions that I hear my children talk down to themselves or say they can’t do something. I leap on them and rubbish it immediately. Confirming that they can do and be anything… they just need confidence and a bit of hard work.
Why then do I, and I see countless other women, allow their inner voice to talk them down. Why do we eternally convince ourselves to clip our wings when often we yearn to fly?
For example, let’s talk about weight loss. I have packed it on in Covid. This is not a disparaging comment on myself, but an actual thing. I coped with the mechanics of my mouth it would seem.
I’ve lost weight before, in fact, I am usually in good shape – and I also possess all the tools to regain that balance. A home gym, a gym membership, a strong understanding of food and nutrition and an ability to cut booze out of my life when i choose.
My inner voice is loud, she tells me, I’ve gone too far, I’ll never be as fit as I was, i’ve gone too far, I’m too big – so why even try.
She is also evil, she tells me at this weight, I am not good enough to be partnered with another human, than looking for love is a farcical idea that should be uttered only for the sake of comedy not for intention.
I am powerfully taking my own goals and shredding them into confetti.
My voice is louder than my supporters, and crueler than a gang of teenagers.
But…
Is it the voice of protection?
The more I read, suggests this is so.
Am I being so hard on myself, that I am telling me to not even try in case I fail. My inner aggression is a passive tool to prevent myself from being hurt.
I am working hard on changing this. Becoming friends with the voice that screams “you cannot do this.”. I quietly acknowledge it now and say, “thanks for your concern, but I can…”
How can I ask my children to believe in themselves when I don’t lead by example.
I see this in women time and time again.
We talk about all our “wrongs”, our weight, our bad hair, why we stay in rubbish relationships.
It’s not about empowering or even rising women up – it’s about learning that we are more than our internal challengers, and moving onto live the life we want.
Because, that is something we can do at any point – we just need to believe that we can.