You know one of the worse things about Covid?
Its the blue days.
The ones you were not prepared for. When you wake up and everything is the same, but the pull on your heart is a just a little bit heavier and as you slip into the routine of the day you noticed that your soul is wearier and your eyes tingle with tears although nothing has changed.
The lack of an end date weighs like a stone on your brain and the hope that you force on in front of the kids threatens to disappear entirely.
When you would give your right arm to meet a friend inside the pub and greet them with an enormous embrace. Share a food platter without fear of infection, drink a sip of wine from the others cup because it simply tastes nice.
When the idea of siting down for a cuppa in the same room as your mum sounds like an experience you would pay a million pounds for.
These days that envelope you tightly; and although you know going for a walk, exercising, even baking a cake may lift your mood, but still you wallow – because the enormity of living that day is enough.
The blue days; when it rains all day and the weather darkens your mood.
When you dream of cancelling Netflix, because your sofa is no longer dented with the shape of your arse, because you have a life outside your living room. When you long to smell garlic on a friends breath after sharing a pizza, rather than talking through the glassy mirror of Zoom.
When you want your kids in school, not talking about how the pandemic will be their lifelong tax.
The blue days. When if you pause, the tears will fall without you being able to prevent them.
There is a but;
The memory that yesterday was fun, you frolicked in the snow, you taught a kid something they didn’t know, you caught up with a friend that you have not spoken to in eternity.
The knowledge that tomorrow is not set; the future is still yours to shape; and one day of blue does not determine your colour.