What if it all goes right?

Many moons ago, when I sat my GCSE’s I convinced my parents that I had failed, when I sat my A levels, I did it again.

The only thing I have failed is Art – mainly because I can’t draw.  I am the proud owner of two A’s at A level and a B (and this was way before all that A*** nonsense started.)

My mindset is set to avoid optimism.  It is a character trait that I don’t like and one that has held me back from taking a few risks in the past.   However, on the plus side, it is also a mindset that drives me from failure, as I am so terrified of doing so, so I work exceptionally hard to attempt to succeed.

However it seeps in when I least expect it.

Today, I trained with my best friend, and despite feeling immensely proud of myself for turning up to my CrossFit box five times this week and getting it done,  I spent much of the workout laughing at how unfit I had let myself become.

My friend, known to always to be on hand with a massive wet kipper of realism scolded me afterwards, “you are fitter than you think, sort it out.”

She is probably right, but sometimes hiding behind a giggle and groan feels comforting.

I spend a lot of time, worrying about my future, my teeny pension, my self employed status, the fact that I am raising three kids and most of the time I don’t really know how to adult.  As I convinced my parents I had failed every exam, I can convince myself I will be unemployable and homeless at 55.

But I am really trying to change.

Because what if it all goes right?

What if by eating well and going to the gym 4/5 times a week, I get fitter and feel healthier.

What if by working bloody hard and learning new tricks, I build a business empire that I can keep doing well into retirement age if I choose.

What if, my kids continue to turn out exactly as they are now – and remain being bloody amazing.

How much easier is my day then, when all I have to look forward to is more happiness.  Even when the path gets challenging, I know the ultimate journey is one that is always weighted in pleasure.

What if it all goes right…..

 

 

2 thoughts on “What if it all goes right?”

  1. I hope it all goes right!!!

    It’s funny, when I read this post, you reminded me a lot of my husband. He’s also a pessimist whereas I am (generally) the eternal optimist. He is constantly telling me that I always have a long way to fall whereas, in contrast, he is prepared and waiting for the bad bits. But he also says, without me, he would rarely try anything and I drag him into all of his successes. I at times feel like he constantly clips my wings, but I also realize that he protects me a whole heap of eventualities.

    However, there are times where we cross over completely and I take on the role of the pessimist and he becomes the optimist. Which takes us by surprise and amuses the kids no end.

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