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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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What if it all goes right?

Many moons ago, when I sat my GCSE’s I convinced my parents that I had failed, when I sat my A levels, I did it again.

The only thing I have failed is Art – mainly because I can’t draw.  I am the proud owner of two A’s at A level and a B (and this was way before all that A*** nonsense started.)

My mindset is set to avoid optimism.  It is a character trait that I don’t like and one that has held me back from taking a few risks in the past.   However, on the plus side, it is also a mindset that drives me from failure, as I am so terrified of doing so, so I work exceptionally hard to attempt to succeed.

However it seeps in when I least expect it.

Today, I trained with my best friend, and despite feeling immensely proud of myself for turning up to my CrossFit box five times this week and getting it done,  I spent much of the workout laughing at how unfit I had let myself become.

My friend, known to always to be on hand with a massive wet kipper of realism scolded me afterwards, “you are fitter than you think, sort it out.”

She is probably right, but sometimes hiding behind a giggle and groan feels comforting.

I spend a lot of time, worrying about my future, my teeny pension, my self employed status, the fact that I am raising three kids and most of the time I don’t really know how to adult.  As I convinced my parents I had failed every exam, I can convince myself I will be unemployable and homeless at 55.

But I am really trying to change.

Because what if it all goes right?

What if by eating well and going to the gym 4/5 times a week, I get fitter and feel healthier.

What if by working bloody hard and learning new tricks, I build a business empire that I can keep doing well into retirement age if I choose.

What if, my kids continue to turn out exactly as they are now – and remain being bloody amazing.

How much easier is my day then, when all I have to look forward to is more happiness.  Even when the path gets challenging, I know the ultimate journey is one that is always weighted in pleasure.

What if it all goes right…..

 

 

Comments

  1. Sarsm says

    September 6, 2020 at 9:20 am

    I hope it all goes right!!!

    It’s funny, when I read this post, you reminded me a lot of my husband. He’s also a pessimist whereas I am (generally) the eternal optimist. He is constantly telling me that I always have a long way to fall whereas, in contrast, he is prepared and waiting for the bad bits. But he also says, without me, he would rarely try anything and I drag him into all of his successes. I at times feel like he constantly clips my wings, but I also realize that he protects me a whole heap of eventualities.

    However, there are times where we cross over completely and I take on the role of the pessimist and he becomes the optimist. Which takes us by surprise and amuses the kids no end.

    Reply
  2. Helen Wills says

    September 6, 2020 at 9:59 pm

    Ahh flippin eck Jane I needed to hear this. I get the 3am sweats worrying about my pensions and homeless situation as an old lady!

    Reply

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Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

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