The bosom of misery and sensation of sadness

I think, in life you have to choose happy.

Which for anyone who has stroked the hand of anxiety and depression, you will know how easy it is to wrap yourself in the bosom of misery and sink into a sensation of sadness.

And it can feel like someone has taken a giant black market and scribbled out the roadway sign to happiness, leaving you at a crossroads with no clear view of where to go.

You can fall into a well of worry, search for the negativity and be rewarded by it, find reasons to justify weeping and indulge in gloom.

Or…..

You can choose happy.

It can feel like an effort, but the rewards are smiles.

This year, I have attached myself to friends like a leech on a vein.  My poor friends only need to turn around and I am behind them, reaching for their hands.  For the first time in my life, I am standing, unashamed, asking for help and company.

Because I deserve happy.

And this life is long, and I plan on spending most of it with tears dripping down my cheeks from the laughter spilling from my guts.

I declare to the world that I will indulge without regret in what I love, my family, my parents, my work, my fitness, my friends….

I have started a new journey this year.  One that began with me climbing out of a hole – and when I say climbing, I mean it involved so many hands pulling me up…

I am not hiding that I have had 6 months living with a gripping fear.  I talk to my kids about it, I bore anyone who cares to listen.

Because I am choosing to not live it again.

But this choice could never be made without my friends, and the kindness of those who barely know me.

The most physical change as a result of a mental challenge is weight gain and a significant drop in fitness.

But – I’ll take happy and body fat over anxiety and skinniness…..

But still – this week, I have dragged myself to my gym, almost every day.  The demon in my soul – whispers, ‘they will laugh at you’, ‘they will judge you for being crap.’

The demon in my soul has never met my gym friends.

Mock me – yes!

Laugh at me – hysterically.

Judge me – not in this lifetime.

Make me feel like I can achieve anything – every time I walk through the door.

I choose happy, I choose friendship, I choose CrossFit as a way to restore my soul.

Because I and everyone reading this – deserve happy.