Confessions: I am that mum that….

Eats the kids chocolate and spends the next day helping them look for it.

Foil Wrapped Chocolates

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Has no idea when the library bus comes.

Never gets the bloody permission slips in on time.

Sometimes pours the wine at 5pm.

Doesn’t iron anything.

Has convinced herself that no one can tell she doesn’t iron anything.

Never sends in socks with the sports kits.

Buys school shoes, plans to always clean school shoes, never cleans school shoes.

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Promises pocket-money and pretty much fails to deliver.  Every week.

Loses her temper, gives a ridiculous punishment and then spends the rest of the day trying to figure out a way they can “earn it back”.

Spends half her life justifying her behaviour because I am “allowed to because I’m a grown up.”

Has three inches of dust on the craft toys.

Took the stabilisers off the bike and failed to teach the child to ride.

Puts pictures of beautiful, clean food on Instagram and feeds the kids frozen fish fingers and chips (and peas – am not a complete fraud.)

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Takes the kids back to school a day early after the six-week holidays.

Never seems to have Calpol in.

But ironically Google diagnoses some terrible things when the kids merely have a cold.

Shouts like a half crazed psychopath inside the house and then steps out of the door in front of the neighbours like Mary Poppins.

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Cries when their child get star of the week.

Has homicidal thoughts towards the teaching staff when they don’t get star of the week.

Treats sports day as an Olympic event.

Wears a sports bra, just in case, on Sports Day.

Sometimes does the school run in PJ’s with a “long coat.”

Drinks the wine meant for the end of term teachers present.

Turns up to children’s parties and completely forgets to bring a gift.

Falls asleep when the children practise reading aloud.

Googles the answers to year five homework.

Tells the kids Santa doesn’t get to our house before 6am.

Maimed the tooth fairy one night by trapping her wings in the door, which is why she didn’t leave any cash.

Writes blog posts when I should be playing with Lego….

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All of the above much be the reasons as to why Tesco exclude me annually from their mum of the year awards….

29 thoughts on “Confessions: I am that mum that….”

  1. Aww I think we’ve all done some or all of the above or at some point some of my blunders – took son home instead of him going to the after school film club that’s been paid for in advance, forgot to donate money so he could wear non uniform for charity, forgot to put nappies in nursery bag so little girl came home with a nursery nappy on (extra thin and very likely to leak) its because us mums are busy trying to remember everything we sometimes forget the little things 🙂

  2. Hehe I pick Z up daily thinking “must give your shoes a good clean”, then completely forget and just send him in exact state again the next day, usually in the nick of time….just!

  3. Fabulous..Obviously, I never do any of those things… 😉
    But I am a mummy who goes and shuts all of the double glazed windows in her house in a quiet cul-de-sac and then shouts at the kids.

  4. Love this post – I can certainly relate to quite a few of these too! I have been known to open the wine at 5pm and the line about shouting like a half-crazed psychopath inside the house and then being like Mary Poppins outside the house really made me laugh – I am certainly guilty of that one! And yes, I have been known to write blog posts when I really should be sitting on the floor and playing. Glad it’s not just me that is guilty of some of these!

  5. I was noddling along to lots of these myself. I never hand permission slips in on time, and I Google my daughters homework all of the time and gets sidetracked and googles an illness or something and thinks we are all about to die very regularly xx

  6. Your post rings so true with me. I am also the mum who takes the child too early or too late for school after the school holidays. How comes everyone else knows the day they go back? 🙂

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