Eats the kids chocolate and spends the next day helping them look for it.
Has no idea when the library bus comes.
Never gets the bloody permission slips in on time.
Sometimes pours the wine at 5pm.
Doesn’t iron anything.
Has convinced herself that no one can tell she doesn’t iron anything.
Never sends in socks with the sports kits.
Buys school shoes, plans to always clean school shoes, never cleans school shoes.
Promises pocket-money and pretty much fails to deliver. Every week.
Loses her temper, gives a ridiculous punishment and then spends the rest of the day trying to figure out a way they can “earn it back”.
Spends half her life justifying her behaviour because I am “allowed to because I’m a grown up.”
Has three inches of dust on the craft toys.
Took the stabilisers off the bike and failed to teach the child to ride.
Puts pictures of beautiful, clean food on Instagram and feeds the kids frozen fish fingers and chips (and peas – am not a complete fraud.)
Takes the kids back to school a day early after the six-week holidays.
Never seems to have Calpol in.
But ironically Google diagnoses some terrible things when the kids merely have a cold.
Shouts like a half crazed psychopath inside the house and then steps out of the door in front of the neighbours like Mary Poppins.
Cries when their child get star of the week.
Has homicidal thoughts towards the teaching staff when they don’t get star of the week.
Treats sports day as an Olympic event.
Wears a sports bra, just in case, on Sports Day.
Sometimes does the school run in PJ’s with a “long coat.”
Drinks the wine meant for the end of term teachers present.
Turns up to children’s parties and completely forgets to bring a gift.
Falls asleep when the children practise reading aloud.
Googles the answers to year five homework.
Tells the kids Santa doesn’t get to our house before 6am.
Maimed the tooth fairy one night by trapping her wings in the door, which is why she didn’t leave any cash.
Writes blog posts when I should be playing with Lego….
All of the above much be the reasons as to why Tesco exclude me annually from their mum of the year awards….