It was my first time in a bikini, and I won’t lie to you. I felt self-conscious as I looked around me and saw throngs of teenage girls dressed in tiny triangles and dental floss knickers.
I wondered if I could spend all day holding my stomach in and trying to keep my breasts from residing at their usual naval level.
Had I thought it through I would have worn a smock to the water park….
Luckily, my children seemed not care about the lines on my tummy and the wobble that appears when I walk, and they dragged immediately towards a collection of terrifyingly looking brightly coloured slides.
“Let’s go on this one” yelled Owen, as he started wrapping up his battered ears with plugs and neophane.
He pointed towards a green and blue striped abomination which looked like it wanted to swallow me whole and spit me out into a pool of ice.
I pretended I couldn’t hear and turned, desperately looking for something less petrifying… like a helter skelter.
The whole place was simply over flowing with sheers drops and death-defying slides.
I was fecked.
The children sensed my fear and it merely spurred them on, adding a little skip to their step as we started to climb 4567 stairs to the top of the slide.
For added fun, they nominated me pack-horse for the day and I had to carry the double inflatable rubber ring that was to be our transport down.
Oh what fun….
Finally we reached the clouds and a twenty something year old, exceptionally tanned young man tried to help me into my ring.
So ungracious was my attempt, that I heard sniggers from the teenage triangle wearing teens that were queuing on the steps.
Eventually my arse was sealed into the burning yellow plastic ring. Creating a suction style plug between the ice cold water and the slide floor.
A child hopped into the ring in front of me, causing no disgrace to themselves at all and whoosh we were off.
My life flashed before me as we hurtled round bends, come precariously close to tipping over the edge, and flew down a drop that can only be described as vertical.
My son whooped in joy and I sobbed in terror.
The end was nigh, but we were going to crash. The water was running out.
I had no choice.
Using all my strength I plunged myself deeper into the ring, forcing my bikini bottom to the floor.
My ass became a handbrake.
My briefs took the brunt of the action.
We survived the ride, and when I left the pool. I realised why all the other girls were wearing thong style bikinis….
And I was finally part of their gang…
Lordy I was glad to be back at the villa…