The WOD that broke me

I have always known that CrossFit is a battle of the mind as well as an extreme physical challenge.  But I never realised how much until today.

Today my mind hurt from trying to process what my body was asking it to do.

It has been a long week in our house.  Molly’s MRI results came back and it is clear, which means we are more than likely facing a diagnosis of Constant Regional Pain Syndrome.  Something new for us all to learn and live with.  She grows increasingly more dependent on her crutches and is further challenged with the fact that her arm now aches and hurts to move.

So as I said long week….

CrossFit has been a bit of a salvation.  A hour of testing myself, pushing my body, moaning quite loudly in an attempt to things that I have never tried before.  It is an hour to forget, to achieve something, to leave feeling stronger.

Most workouts make me blink in terror initially, but today’s made me literally shake in my trainers.

20 Burpee Box Jumps

(I will translate for you non CrossFit people – burpee to the floor, get up, jump on a big fecking box, jump off, get down on the floor, start again.)

20 Pull – Ups

(Find a bar, pull up your body weight.  Or in my case, find a bar and hold own body weight and lower self down.  I can’t do pull-ups, yet.)

20 Hang clean squats.

(load up 30kg on your bar, hold it near your knees, lift it up, giving it a sex thrust on the way with your hips, and finish with your arse near the floor and the bar under your chin, elbows up and out.  Repeat – 20 times)

300 metre run

(as it sounds)

Once complete – do it again.  Four rounds in total – with a 40 minute maximum time cap.

Now I will try most things once, and have done things at CrossFit that have surprised me immensley.  Today was the first day I looked at the workout and seriously doubted I would finish.

And so we began….

Each burpee brusied my knee, the box seemed to grow taller and coarser with each jump.  My shins trembled in the fear that I would lose my footing and remove their protective skin.

By ten burpees I was sweating, and already dreading the next seventy.

The negative pull-ups caused my arms to sing with agony and the hanging squating things caused my quads to scream and my arse to clench as if it were being attacked.

Round one was completed in just under ten minutes,

I felt like dying.

I approached the next step of burpees and even said out loud, “I love burpess,” in some new age hope that positive words would make it easier.

They were not easier, they stung like an absolute bitch.

But I kept going.

By round three, I was starting to crumble.  Thoughts I normally banish at CrossFit were starting to creep into my physche.

 Tomorrow is D-day at the hospital, how will I cope with a new diagnosis, have we not learnt enough medical terms in the last few years already.  Will Molly get through this, how will it impact my other two kids.

All these questions when trying to lift a stupidly heavy bar up to your chin whilst doing a sex thrust can really mess with your head.

I’d like to think I looked like I was smashing it, but when my coach sat across from me to deliver much needed motivation towards the end of the last set of hang cleans, I figured perhaps my face was showing my pain.

36.00 minutes on the clock – 5 hang squat cleans to go, my arms shook, my legs trembled, my head whispered my fears about my daughters future.

Then suddenly they were done, and I was running (of sorts), for a final 300 metres with 3 minutes to complete.

I cried on that run, just a sob, just the once.  But enough to know it had broken me for a second.

Then I finished, with time to spare (seconds), knowing I had just doing a WOD at the recommended weights.

Suddenly I was no longer ruined, I felt that little bit stronger, more prepared to deal with the day ahead and Molly’s test results tomorrow.

The WOD broke me just for a second, but I more emerged ready to fight.

Bring on tomorrow.