I ran today, outside, in the rain. I feel that we know each too well now for me to lie to you, so I will share the truth. I found running fecking awful, my calves were tighter than a ducks bottom under water, and the arches in my feet felt like knives were stabbing into them every time they hit the pavement. I have had more fun at a party for sixty kids in a soft play area where I was the host, and that is saying something.
I tried to motivate myself, I ran a huge 1.5 miles and assumed a fake grin and told myself, ‘well, Jane, you have run 1/26 of the marathon distance, if that were cake eating and you had just taught yourself to eat 1/26 of a cake, I reckon you could learn to eat the rest quickly.’
I annoyed myself so much with such a ridiculous motivational comment that I ran into a lamppost on purpose.
But whilst the training was agony; I can now tick a box on a my training schedule and I also had the added benefits of learning a few lessons whilst I ran.
The first was a simple one, a t-shirt that I wore to run in two years ago, is not necessarily the best choice of outfit for this years’ training. Mainly because owing to copious cake eating, I am a little larger. The top that felt snug in the home, assumed a look of a Cabbage Patch kid trying to run in Barbie’s aerobic gear when out on the street.
The second lesson was linked to the first, don’t run at lunchtime past a secondary school in a t-shirt that makes you look like a Cabbage Patch kid trying to run in Barbie’s aerobic gear, teenage boys are cruel, but my, teenage girls can be crueller.
The third, well, the third still links to the first, I learnt that the chap with the beautiful black labrador that I ran past, was not smiling at my superb efforts to run, but in fact he was cracking up at the fact that my too small top had ridden up to my chest exposing a milky white tummy complete with stretch marks. Try telling yourself those marks are simply a road map that leads to children when the local dog walker in the village has just seen them in full glory.
The fourth lesson was, nothing kills your pace than an iPod on shuffle ,when Postman Pat suddenly booms into your inner ear. Likewise listening to Eminen whilst pounding the streets makes you inexplicably angry.
The fifth – well it was one we knew all along really, don’t sign up to marathon when you can even run a mile, it is a really dumb idea.
To find out more why I am trying to run 26 miles in 21 weeks have a read here and please donate if you can.