Anyone else write to their legs?

by

Dear Legs,

I thought I ought to send you a quick note.  You may or may not have noticed that I have been writing to the postman recently but today I thought I would take a break and pen you some words instead.

I am not sure if you have realised but we are ‘abroad’. That grainy stuff that keeps scratching at you is called sand, and signifies that we are indeed on the beach.

I know you recognise the signs, we have been away together before.

So, for the love of god, can you please get with the program and change sodding colour.

Your mates up this way, back and boobies, have embraced the holiday concept with unrestrained enthusiasm.  Back (despite being caressed with Factor 50) went to town on day one and is sporting a nice burnt orange look.  Boobies have opted for a more rainbow look, and start with a deep red than slowly turns into a big brown freckle.

For chuffs sake legs, even nose and brow are making more of an effort to tan.

I know it is not easy, being legs that belong to a head of strawberry blonde hair, but if the rest of me can try surely you could have a go.

I have tenderly stroked you with factor 15 each day so you don’t feel any pain.  Every other piece of me has had the factor 50 treatment but still I get nothing from you, nothing.

I don’t want to throw insults but if I get too close to a white wall people may mistakenly think I am literally legless.

We have three days, the forecast looks good.  I am going to treat you to Factor 10, c’mon legs, let’s do this.

Yours,

Jane

To read more Postcards From Portugal check out these post’s:

Day One: Needles and Vino

Day Two: Raining on our parade

Day three: Thongs and arse cracks

Day four: Beating the kids

Day Five: How a skinful leads to Agadoo

Day Six: Being so beautiful you can eat for free

Day Seven: The One Where he who helped create them goes on a hen do

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10 thoughts on “Anyone else write to their legs?”

  2. Are we supposed to feel sorry for you?!! In answer to your question, I don’t regularly write to my legs but I do have a pair of trousers, an unexpected present from a friend, who send frequent postcards to to her whenever they have an interesting outing.

  3. I haven’t spoken to legs in a long, long, long time. Can’t remember the last time I waxed them – yes, really. And I am so with you, what is it about legs – they just take ages to tan. It’s like the rest of your body is under the grill, but your thighs and legs are on bloody slow cook. Thank you for making me schmile! X

  4. I once wrote/drew on my pasty white legs/knees, big smiles and sunglasses for eyes, but then I was young, innocent and totally unaware. The invention of fake tan was inspired by non compliance of legs, embrace the science, nowadays there is even one that smells of chocolate. My prayers are answered xxx

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