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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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Creaming my brows not waxing my tash

It is not like I am not used to feeling embarrassment flood into my cheeks leaving a red stain. But being used to something is not quite the same as liking something.

I really don’t like feeling ground swallowingly mortified.

Today was hectic, I was working into the wee hours last night and sleep was a welcome friend when I finally turned in.  My eyelids felt weighted down this morning when I tried to motivate them into action and my legs were in a similar mindset.

When I eventually stumbled into the day I was met with the chaos of children needing lunches, injections and gym bags preparing.  I left the house in state fit for a bin man as we hurtled down the road trying to get to school on time.

We made it, and five minutes later I was down to care taking a more manageable one child.  My youngest and I speedily hurtled towards her swimming class and within seconds we were stripped, changed, toileted and kicking away merrily in the pool.  Half an hour flew by and before long all us mothers were mumbling the goodbye song whilst trying to avoid being drenched by our babies.

No time to waste, myself and BB were out of the pool, showered, dried, dressed and hot stepping to the car to get BB to gymnastics.

It really was non stop.

I strapped BB in the seat and jumped in the drivers seat quickly catching sight of my flushed rushed face.

It was then that I saw them.

Two ugly furry caterpillars that were sitting above my eyes, they were wild, untamed and in desperate need of a tweeze.  I felt shamed I had faced the school run with two brows that were desperately trying to become one.

It was too late to resolve before gymnastics, I just had to keep my head down and my eyes low and pray that one of my beasts didn’t leap off my face and savage someone.

Straight after BB bounced, ran, bounced and played for 45 minutes we headed to the chemists and picked up a tube of Immac (I know it is called Veet now but I like the old name better, I do the same with Opal Fruits.). I find plucking too time consuming, threading, too arse clinching painful, and waxing too risky, so for years now I am been creaming my brows in an effort to tame them.

Once home I switched on the TV and left BB immersed in the world of Aurora and I headed to the bathroom.  Carefully I smeared cream under my eyebrows, removed excess strands and obliterated the mono brow.  I noticed a few darkening whispers above my lips so I dabbed some hair blaster on them whilst I was at it.

I left it for ten minutes to do its job.

Ten minutes is a decent period of time to ‘get stuff done’.  I emptied the dishwasher and picked up the waste bin to take outside to the black bin.

It was then that it happened.

I headed out with arms full of rubbish and walked straight into my lovely postie.

We had a fabulous catch up, I told him all about Portugal, we joked about the bills and finally we parted ways and he headed off to the couple next door.

I walked back into the house with a smile on my lips thinking what a nice chap he was and I carried on straightening up the house.  A few moments later I felt a curious tingle above my mouth and around my eyes.  I lifted my fingers to touch the sensation and they came back wet and white.

Horror consumed me.  I had just spent five minutes chatting with the postman with bright white hair removal cream on my face.  A day glo T shirt saying I wax my tash would have been less embarrassing.

I can never sign for a parcel again.

Ground sinkingly mortifyingly embarrassing.

Comments

  1. Mummypinkwellies says

    June 5, 2013 at 9:36 pm

    That. Is. Awesome!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 6, 2013 at 9:01 pm

      Thank.you. x

      Reply
  2. Rhian @melbs says

    June 5, 2013 at 9:49 pm

    Haaaaahaaaaaa! The end

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 6, 2013 at 9:01 pm

      Feeling the sympathy from Oz there

      Reply
  3. Sian says

    June 6, 2013 at 6:28 am

    Oops!
    I feel your pain – and the hair problem : )

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 6, 2013 at 9:00 pm

      🙂

      Reply
  4. Molly says

    June 6, 2013 at 7:08 am

    HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! And THIS is why you are my friend! I once imaac’d my fringe for a dare. Ended up with a tuft at the top of my forehead. So it could be worse. Maybe…

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 6, 2013 at 9:00 pm

      What is wrong with you woman?

      Reply
  5. Lauren James (@knackeredhwife) says

    June 6, 2013 at 8:32 am

    Hahaha! Hilarious. Did the postie really not give anything away?

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 6, 2013 at 9:00 pm

      Not a word #wrong

      Reply
  6. Actually Mummy... says

    June 6, 2013 at 8:58 am

    Oh Jane…

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 6, 2013 at 9:00 pm

      I know!

      Reply
  7. Mette says

    June 6, 2013 at 9:28 am

    Sorry but I can’t stop laughing very loudly and I’m home alone…. Hoping no one is looking at me through the windows!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 6, 2013 at 8:59 pm

      A giggle a day keeps the doctor away

      Reply
  8. Gretta Schifano says

    June 6, 2013 at 1:39 pm

    Noooooooo! You poor thing! But thank you for sharing, it is a hilarious post!!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 6, 2013 at 8:59 pm

      My pleasure!

      Reply
  9. Kate Mensah says

    June 6, 2013 at 2:05 pm

    Absolutely hilarious. I embarrassed myself by having a conversation with a dishy neighbour forgetting I’d put my daughter’s giraffe bobble hat on to make her laugh, but your story takes the biscuit! Keep on writing. x

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 6, 2013 at 8:58 pm

      *snorts*

      Reply
  10. Mum2BabyInsomniac says

    June 6, 2013 at 5:58 pm

    Hahahahaha!! Oh you poor thing, I can’t even imagine your horror when you realised! X

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 6, 2013 at 8:58 pm

      It was huge!

      Reply
  11. Michelle Twin Mum says

    June 6, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    Ohh Jane, only you….

    Mich x

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 6, 2013 at 8:58 pm

      only me 🙁

      Reply
  12. Emma says

    June 6, 2013 at 9:00 pm

    oh no……..Did he not look at you strangely?

    Reply
  13. Stacey Guilliatt says

    June 6, 2013 at 9:03 pm

    Haha that did make me giggle, kind of thing I would do! I have the same problem…

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 6, 2013 at 10:06 pm

      That makes me feel better

      Reply
  14. becky says

    June 6, 2013 at 9:51 pm

    Oh dear me! That. Is . Embarrasssing, But hysterical

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 6, 2013 at 10:06 pm

      my life, Becky, my life

      Reply
  15. Chelle McCann says

    June 7, 2013 at 10:21 am

    Oh dear…if my mac breaks from the coffee splutter are you liable 😛

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 9, 2013 at 8:46 am

      Sorry! 🙂

      Reply
  16. Lindy says

    June 7, 2013 at 10:56 am

    I’m sooo glad I wasn’t drinking coffee when i got to the last bit- my computer wouldn’t have survived!

    Reply
  17. Caroline says

    June 7, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    Oh no no no no no. I feel your pain, lady. Can’t quite believe your postie. Bless him really. Maybe he has a hairy wife and knows what it’s all about. First thing I’d do if I won the lottery. Laser treatment.

    Reply
  18. Coombemill says

    June 7, 2013 at 7:48 pm

    I just knew I would end this with a loud chuckle! Jane you always make me laugh, I can so sympathise with your day, it could so easily have been mine. If only I could write like you I too could tell some funny tales!

    Reply
  19. The Fool says

    June 7, 2013 at 9:04 pm

    You should just shave it instead, much easier and doesn’t need to be left to work.

    Reply
  20. Joanne Mallon says

    June 9, 2013 at 8:52 am

    Aargh! On the bright side at least you got a good post out of it. The postie also got a good story for his blog. So everyone’s a winner really.

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 9, 2013 at 8:55 am

      Very true!

      Reply
  21. andbackagainamotherstale.wordpress.com says

    June 9, 2013 at 9:02 am

    Ooh too too cringey, holiday brows eh?!

    Reply
  22. Richmond Mummy says

    June 16, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    Hilarious! (Sorry!)

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      June 19, 2013 at 9:23 pm

      you are forgiven….

      Reply

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Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

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