Being Shrek amongst a sea of Disney Princesses

Dear Mr Postman,

Ahoy there, greetings from the Atlantic Ocean matey.

Do I sound authentic?  Do I sound like a pirate Mr P?

Well I should because we just spent a fair few euro’s to embark on a sailing adventure over the ocean on a real life, bonafide, pirate ship.

Now we were sold a real life family friendly Portuguese pirate adventure.  Complete with beach BBQ and kids entertainers from the hotel kids club.  Turned out Mr P we were the only family to book this week so we hopped on the ship with two childminders, our three kids, three sea faring pirates and a Portuguese hen do.

Yup, Mr P,   you read it right, ten svelte, tanned twenty something beach babes and us.

Apparently, they had to fill the ship.

So picture the scene, the sun is sitting high in the sky and the ship is a sun seekers paradise.  The kids are being entertained by our own private kids club and loving every second.  Twin Boy was dressed head to toe in pirate garb and steering the vessel, twin girl was playing Hangman whilst fighting nausea and BB was snuggled in her fathers arm.

The view was delightful, crystal waters on one side that longed to be swam in, and secret caves embedded in rock  that whispered mysteries over on the starboard side.  Then on deck ten svelte, tanned, twenty something Portuguese woman in matching striped tiny bikinis.

I have to be honest Mr P, I felt a little chubby.

It was with reluctance I peeled off my dress to reveal my white thighs, sagging swimsuit and droopy bosom.  Mr P, I looked like Shrek amongst a sea of Disney princesses.

They drank shots, I encouraged the kids to slurp more water, they danced with the pirates and I cowered in the bow. He who helped create them seemed happy enough with the view.

Finally, we arrived at our private beach, which Mr P, was heaven sent.  A small piece of Portugal that belonged just to us (and the hen do).  For he who helped create them and I it was a little like experiencing how the other half live.  We had two private kids entertainers, who played numerous games with our delighted children whilst we swam in the sea, played catch in the waves and caught up on some reading.  I managed to find a rock to hide my larger than average body from the Portuguese Princesses and all was well.

Still, a full day at sea Mr P, and my legs still look positively pasty, am going to have to book a spray tan soon or people are going to think I sun bathed in jeans.

Coming home soon Mr P, not long now.

Jane (and the gang)

Xxxx

To read more Postcards From Portugal check out these post’s:

Day One: Needles and Vino

Day Two: Raining on our parade

Day three: Thongs and arse cracks

Day four: Beating the kids

Day Five: How a skinful leads to Agadoo

Day Six: Being so beautiful you can eat for free

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