It is almost like we grew up together. I was never a Gary girl or a Mark fan. For me, it was always you, even when you had that daft peroxide hair. In my teenage years I suffered heavily with angst. My music tastes fell into more indie styles. I fretted over the loss of Richey James, I recited the poetry of Suede. I dressed my body is long skirts and heavy jumpers. I would have cloaked my eye lids in eye liner, but I have never really got the hang of liner.
You were my dirty little secret. Through the day I was grunge, at night I was a boy band girl. I would listen to you on my white hi-fi or through my walk man headphones. I had a poster of you secreted behind my wardrobe door.
When you left the band, others wept and I rejoiced. Finally my two worlds started to collide. You started turning up at festivals, you became slightly more alternative.
Then the drug years followed. Hmmmm.
Didn’t really do you any favours fella, as my mum pointed out, you got a bit podgy, looked a bit dull, sounded quite dim.
I prefer you off the Class A substances.
But I still stuck by you.
Then I got married Robbie, I’m sorry. But how many more years could I stand in the crowd waiting for you to see me? When I met my husband he seduced me on the dance floor to Rock DJ and I fell, hard.
There is a resemblance though. Well, he is tall, dark and doesn’t have a great singing voice either.
Last night, we both came to see you. I panicked that this may be the night your eyes found mine in the crowd and I would have to choose between my two men.
So I stayed at the back Robbie, where you wouldn’t be able to see me. We both have kids now, it is not the right time.
You were awesome, a little narcissistic in places. I am not sure about the need to cover the stage with models of your head. You didn’t sing the song that my husband and I danced to for our first dance on our wedding day. I took this as a sign that you understood I was taken now.
At the risk of sounding motherly, the weight is creeping back on. I hope this is because of your new job as a father, rather than any substance abuse.
I don’t know when I will see you again. But am sure it will be awesome when I do.
Take care, stay clean and dry.
Your number one fan.