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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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A confession to murder….

I didn’t mean to kill anyone.

I am sure that is what everyone says but honestly, I mean it, it was an accident.

The iron….

It was so hot, heavy in my hand, who knew it had the ability to take a life so quickly, so cruelly.

The evening had been normal, nothing spectacular, the heat of the late summer had made my clothes uncomfortable and sweat pooled at the nape of my neck as I tried to iron creases in trousers and pleats in skirts.  He who helped create them sat idly beside me, disgruntled by the heat but engrossed in the moving figures on the screen in front.

Upstairs the children slept, unaware that their mother was about to commit murder.

“You nearly done love?” he questioned from the sanctuary of the armchair, “that iron isn’t half noisy.”  As he spoke he increased the volume on the tube watching avidly as one man kicked a round leather ball to his team mate and swearing when some young lad in red kicked it away. 

The heat mixed with the hatred of ironing incensed my inner bitch, inside I bubbled with anger, bloody too loud iron my subconscious screamed it’s your bloody shirts said the voice in my head loudly to the figure on the sofa.

“Leave it love,” he said “do it tomorrow.”

For fecks sake the voice inside my head yelled Tomorrow? Tomorrow?  How about you do it fecking tomorrow?

Then it happened.

But God, I swear, I didn’t mean it.

Will you forgive me?

Can I forgive myself?

I laid the shirt out on the board, seething at the creases; I arranged the collar cursing its existence.  Then my frustration overwhelmed me…

“Can’t you do one bloody shirt?” I cried as I lifted the iron up and then I brought it down in a fury.

Blood sprayed over the collar, the shirt will never be wearable again, an eyeball popped with the heat.  My mouth formed a surprised O as I realised what I had done…

I am a murderer.

That Daddy Long Legs never stood a chance.

Ironing – should could with a health warning….

Comments

  1. Johnson Babies says

    August 18, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    Thank you!! I have quoted your “mum of triplets” a couple of times this week, and just made my husband laugh with this one (admittedly neither of us subscribe to ironing).

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      August 23, 2012 at 8:40 pm

      I am on a ironging obsession at the moment – any ideas on a cure?

      Reply
  2. Blue Sky says

    August 19, 2012 at 7:49 am

    Is there an Ironers Anonymous? I think there should be. Give it up, you know you can xx

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      August 23, 2012 at 8:41 pm

      Honestly I spent time with my mother this holiday and she is ironing mad, she even irons knickers! it seems it has rubbed off on me.

      Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Reply
  3. Mette says

    August 19, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    I never iron, there’s ways of drying clothes so the don’t crease such as hangers and shaking it good before drying and last we’ll just wear it any way…. I never never iron, I hate it:)
    Great post:)

    http://oddparent.blogspot.dk/

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      August 23, 2012 at 8:41 pm

      It seems ironing is hated in the mummy blogging world!

      Reply
  4. helloitsgemma says

    August 19, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    this is why I never iron. I certainly would not iron something belonging to someone else of iron waving age. plead diminished responsibility – it will all be OK (probably)

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      August 23, 2012 at 8:41 pm

      If not will you visit me?

      Reply
  5. scottish mum says

    August 19, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    Ahh, cringing at the eyeball popping. Eyes closed, imagining awful things…

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      August 23, 2012 at 8:42 pm

      The eyeball was gruesome!

      Reply
  6. Older Mum (In a Muddle) says

    August 20, 2012 at 7:34 am

    Yuk! I loath ironing – I’m pretty useless at it, especially shirts – I don’t like ironing sleeves – I get creases in all the wrong places.

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      August 23, 2012 at 8:42 pm

      I am not much cop either

      Reply
  7. sarsm says

    August 20, 2012 at 9:54 am

    😀
    I miss your like button.

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      August 22, 2012 at 6:31 am

      It’s gone?

      Reply
  8. Molly says

    August 21, 2012 at 7:31 am

    This time last year I used to send the NLM off to work with lovely freshly ironed shirts. Then I started working 70 odd hours a week and now the iron gathers dust and rust under the stairs. I did once give the NLM a lesson in ironing but – unsurprisingly perhaps – he chooses to go with the crumpled look…

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      August 22, 2012 at 6:31 am

      It was the first time I had ironed a shirt in nine months…..

      Reply
  9. Jewelry news says

    August 24, 2012 at 1:10 am

    I pray you make it safely across and thanks for the video.

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      September 4, 2012 at 11:14 am

      welcome

      Reply

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Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

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