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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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the lump on my daughters head

And so I counted…

1,2,3,4…

He who helped create them scowled at me, his impatience with my impatience clearly showing on his usually handsome face.

I turned to the source of my growing anger.

There she stood, small tears dripping from her chin, face contorted with anguish.

“But mummy” her small voice shook “I can’t go to school like this”

I looked at my first born child and ran through a mental checklist.

Shoes were shined, the holes in her tights hidden by pressed pleated skirt, jumper on straight stained with only a hint of toothpaste.

I raised my eyes and saw my failings. Because growing out of the back of twin girls head was a lump, a lump that stretched down her back and was fighting with other similar sized lumps.

It was obviously a mess and a mess that had a bright blue band attached at the end to ensure it was unmissable.

I pulled twin girl towards me and we wept together at my incompetence.

My anger at my own inability started to dissipate and twin girls sobs began to cease.

It seems when other mums were at plaiting school I may well have been out drinking gin. Whilst my nimble fingers can mix a mean sloe gin sling then remain firmly impotent when it comes to braiding three sections of hair together in a way acceptable to a five year old child.

But can I say Twin girls bunches looked lovely today.

Comments

  1. Middle-aged Matron says

    December 16, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    You are funny! But I have happy tidings for you. My incompetence when it comes to hair (and clothes/make up/cooking/ironing etc) is so extreme that my 9 year old has put herself on a crash course in hairdressing using her dolls. She can now do perfect french plaits and french pleats! She can even plait plaits. Today’s sculptural top knot was so breathtaking a school mum complimented me on my dexterity! Hopefully next she’ll move in on the cooking and ironing and I can do what I do best which is reading magazines on the sofa.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      December 16, 2011 at 6:59 pm

      There is hope…

      I love you

      Reply
  2. HELEN says

    December 16, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    I too am rubbish at plaiting and most other hair styles…..my daughter is older now & does her own hair in the mornings and she does it a lot better than me. Thankfully I won’t have to go through it all again .

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      December 16, 2011 at 6:58 pm

      No more Helen? Are you sure?

      Reply
      • HELEN says

        December 16, 2011 at 7:10 pm

        absobloodylutely!

        Reply
        • janeblackmore says

          December 16, 2011 at 7:23 pm

          They all say that. X

          Reply
  3. mothersalwaysright says

    December 16, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    The ability to mix a good Gin drink is hugely important. You mix the Gin, I’ll do the French Plaits. We’d make an incredible team.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      December 16, 2011 at 6:58 pm

      Like Batman and robin but pissed with braids

      Reply
  4. Caroline says

    December 16, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    You ‘pressed’ her ‘pleated skirt’?! Well there’s a *high five* right there.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      December 16, 2011 at 6:57 pm

      I can iron and hold gin….

      Reply
  5. Notmyyearoff says

    December 16, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    Ponytails! They are the new plait! (apparently!).

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      December 16, 2011 at 6:55 pm

      Exactly

      Reply
  6. Blue Sky says

    December 16, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    As the Mum of a gymnast, being able to french plait is a compulsory skill – I failed the ironing ‘O’ level instead 🙂

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      December 16, 2011 at 6:54 pm

      Can you teach me? In exchange I can give you number of a great ‘ironing man’

      Reply
  7. Nickie says

    December 16, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    I could never do plaits. I hated my daughter having long hair. Bunches or a pony tail is the way forward. FACT!!

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      December 16, 2011 at 7:24 pm

      Maybe its a northern thing?

      Reply
  8. Jacq says

    December 16, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    You are not alone. My girls have now had their hair cut short and are not allowed to have long hair until they can brush and plait it themselves. The 10 year old is now much better at it than I am, so you only have another 5 years to go…

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      December 16, 2011 at 7:24 pm

      Blimey, maybe they will be advanced? * looks hopeful *

      Reply
  9. Liz Fielding says

    December 16, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    Bunches are lovely. I never got the hang of French plaits – ask Amy.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      December 16, 2011 at 7:58 pm

      She shaved her head in retaliation!

      Reply
  10. Scottish Mum says

    December 16, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    I never mastered the art of plaiting, so if i had girls, I’d be in the same situation as you.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      December 16, 2011 at 8:54 pm

      Best hope those boys don’t grow dreads

      Reply
  11. jazzygal says

    December 17, 2011 at 7:28 am

    Boy am I glad I have a short-haired boy! Never under-estimate the ability to mix a good drink 😉

    xx Jazzy

    Reply
  12. speccy says

    December 17, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Girl1 learned v quckly that she had to do hair stuff for herself- I can only do the very very basic plait. We have a school photograph as a constant reminder of my imcompetence 🙂

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      December 18, 2011 at 9:17 am

      lol – join the club

      Reply
  13. Beccah says

    December 17, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    I can plait my own hair (sometimes… sometimes it all falls to bits and I have to brush it out and start again), but trying to make presentable plaits in mixed race curls is beyond me. We use two-strand twists instead.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      December 18, 2011 at 9:17 am

      I cant even do two strand twists!

      Reply
  14. A innocent mind (RAWR!) says

    December 17, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    Luckily I have a daughter who hates stuff in her hair (including shampoo and hair brushes). But I feel your pain – when a child used to skip past me in the playground when I took my older ones to school with the perfectly french plaited hair it was all I could do not to ruff her hair up.
    I’m going to show Queen Scamp magazines full of women with the windswept look achieved with some sort of funky new cutting edge styling wax when she’s old enough in the hope that she never asks me to plait her hair.

    Reply
    • janeblackmore says

      December 18, 2011 at 9:18 am

      bed head is in!

      Reply

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Jane is a working Mum of three and has great hair. One of these things may not be true.

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