on the brink of sanity

by

Any good mother of three or more children knows it is not a an extension of the truth to say that we are often found loitering by the cliff edge of sanity.

Most days I can be found hanging from my ‘haven’t had a manicure in over five years’ fingernails as the waves of insanity lap at my unpedicured toes.

The first two children pushed me to the edge and the third simply came along, waited until I bent down to retrieve some ‘organic over priced poor excuse for a biscuit’ from the floor, then took a running leap at my arse and kicked me ninja style right over the top. I fear should I ever have a fourth child it will delight in merrily stamping on my fingers until eventually I give up my marbles and drop like an oversized bowling ball into the sea of pure barmyness below.

I must be loitering with the loons because why else would I persist in spending every evening hiding the car and house keys so come 8.30 every school morning I have to tear the place apart trying to find them as the fear of the four of us being trapped in my end of terrace mansion threatens to choke me; and I must be clutching at the straws of sanity for why else have I found the keys more times than I can count laying in the freezer keeping nice and cool.

I must be going bonkers, why else would I sign up to run a marathon less than ten months after giving birth and when I am still best friends with the baby weight (we go everywhere together).

I must be heading to hysteria, why else would I decide the toaster was a good place to put my phone for safekeeping? Blackberry on toast anyone – top tip – it does not taste good!

I would be surprised that he who helped create them had not attempted to get me committed were it not for the knowledge that such an action would mean my mother would have to move in and that would get him requesting a double room for the two of us down at the local asylum.

But truly, I know I am meandering towards madness as today in order to keep the peace I promised the twins we could get the play doh out and the moon sand (at the same time) when they return home from school. God help me, I will be washing sand out of our pants for weeks to come and once again my lovely beige carpets with be stained a multitude of colours as the doh seeks its revenge for being hidden away for so long!

Tell me I am not alone; what ‘insane’ acts have you committed since the onset of becoming a mum?

32 thoughts on “on the brink of sanity”

  1. I utterly understand, I have four children myself and a single mother. It’s tolerant and hope that they remember the effort we put while the kids are young. The only thing keeping are sanity when the kids say I love you Mummy. I take the kids to school at 7am on the Train from Essex to Central London, by 8.30 where at School by 9.30 I’m in the office then pick them up at 4.30 thank God for afterschool club. I don’t live near my family I often cry when one of them get sick and I still have to take the rest to school. What keep as sane it’s because they us.

  2. You sound like me! I used to be organised and now with 1 only 1 child I’m constantly leaving things, losing things and finding things don’t work anymore such as my brain! Fantastically well written post though so clearly not all the marbles have been lost x

  3. I insanely kept my girls off school this afternoon so they could have some mummy time and relax at home with me.

    Have been treated to an afternoon of random banging of piano keys, squabbling and the scattering of toys all over the house.

    But lots of giggling too.

  6. great post. Phone in the freezer is quite an accomplishment. I managed to run over my own sat nav the other day in the rush to get to a playdate on time. Needless to say without the map, we didn’t.

  7. Just tried to refill my wine glass after not even having a sip of it, does that count? Any I only have 2 little angels… well, they are angels when they sleep and let me do some studying 🙂

    Great post but I think I will stick with 2 for the time being.

    Sara

  11. I haven’t laughed so much in ages, your blog brought to mind so many of the mad sad and sometimes bad things I have done over the years while having and being mum to 5 kids, I have almost no short term memory left which results in some fiascos, screaming at the top of my voice “where’s my fone? I need to find my fone!” Only to be told by the other person on the end of my fone “lynne its in your hand” this results in me blaming everyone in the vicinity for not telling me I already had my fone. Fags in the fridge, kettle in the bathroom (I honestly can’t explain that one even to myself), never a hairbrush to be found and then after looking everywhere lo and behold there are 3 in the livingroom and one of them was under my arse to begin with. I thought things were bad but let me assure you the worst was yet to come…4 daughters and myself all with PMT at the same time, total bitch fest, I must admit I do have so much sympathy for my little boy living in such a war zone and still smiling and asking me if I’d like a cup of tea, and I can assure you at the age of 11 Ross is the best tea maker in the house, he is now my secret weapon when I do forget things because he’s so nosey he never misses a thing and can usually be relied upon to help me out or to remind me about things I’m supposed to do and places I have to go. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without him but why couldn’t I have had him first or even second? Why did I have him last when I was at my worst and most feeble minded? Never mind I’ve got him to look after me now and help keep me on track, well after a fashion cos me being on any kind of track is virtually unheard of in this day and age. Oh forgot to mention the joys of having 4 grandchildren but I’ll let you find out all about that when your time comes, best of british to you, Lynne XXX

  12. Hi there!
    Thanks for commenting on my blog. I love yours. As a matter of fact, I might be getting mad too. After preparing breakfast for the whole family and doing the school run, I went to work with my trainers on and my work shoes (supposedly) in my handbag. It turns out that I only brought ONE work shoe. I am not sure what I should do now…

      • MumuGb just reminded me of the time I went to work in Central London and realised as I was going down the escalators at Charing Cross, towards the underground and realised ( this makes me blush just remembering) that I had two different shoes on! What makes it worse is that at the time I lived quite far from the train station, so had to get a bus before I got to the train station, stood on a platform with hundreds of commuters then onto a train. One shoe was navy and round toed with quite a low heel and the other was black with a pointed toe with a high heel. How did I not realise that before then!!! And that was before kids…

  14. Love it! You could be me, seriously, I’ve found ten pound notes under picture frames, playdoh in the washing machine… you know how it is….!

  15. what a fabulous funny blog – why haven’t I found this before? guess it’s because I don’t have any kids, but that’s not going to stop me reading it.! I do however have a Blackberry that has been found in the fridge before!

  16. Brilliant post, I love it.

    I have committed many bonkers acts since becoming a mum. For instance, not long after the birth of my first daughter I did something really, truly crazy…I decided to have another one! Ahhhh!
    ~M

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