And so it begins, The blatent beep of the alarm sounds at six thirty and I ignore, already wide awake with a child in my arms who awoke at five but yet I am still reluctant to crawl from my bed and to start the day. The door flies open and crashes into the wall and two squabbling six year olds fall into the room, unaware that it is really still the middle of the night they start to regale me … [Read more...]
Aug 28, 2012
totally horrendous…
By · 30 Comments
I won't lie to you, the journey to Cornwall was pretty horrendous. It's a long way and it felt longer still because the car DVD players had died a few weeks before and owing to financial strife they had yet to be replaced. Now to all you prats who are thinking, 'in my day we didn't have TV's in cars, we played games and spot the cow and eye spy.". May I remind you in your day cracking a child … [Read more...]
Aug 5, 2012
When your fake busom lands on the platform floor
By · 22 Comments
Imagine the moment... It's 11am, you have snatched four minutes sleep in the last twenty four hours. You are currently dressed in something resembling clothes but the posset stains and general creasedness of the outfit means the black M&S stretchy jersey dress can also double up as a bin liner. The double buggy, which took almost an hour to construct at 4am this morning when walking the … [Read more...]
Mar 21, 2012
It’s a simple matter of human biology….
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"So how old are you?" exclaimed the friendly lady to a cheerful twin girl. "I am six," she replied with a smile tickling her lips, "but mummy says I am ever so tall for my age." … [Read more...]
Feb 21, 2012
I want to change my children
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I grew you, do you know that? I grew you from being smaller than a spec of sand. Your fingers and thumbs were defined within me; your hearts starting beating next to my own. You all first sucked your thumbs safe inside my chocolate filled belly; you were created with a passion and sustained by love. … [Read more...]
Feb 7, 2012
Taking blood makes you short
By · 28 Comments
Twin girl is, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, a total and utter wimp. She shrieks at spiders, shudders at loud bangs and is an appalling poor patient when ill. … [Read more...]
Nov 16, 2011
Its time……..
By · 17 Comments
The time is nearly upon us, it is time for my children to shine. In less than a week they will be called upon to make me proud and I am fearful they may not be up to the task. … [Read more...]
Oct 22, 2011
Plaiting one’s pubes….
By · 71 Comments
In recent years I have slightly misled my children. Avoiding the whole conversation about where babies come from and how they actually trundle down the birth canal has always been a focus of mine and he who helped create them. When BB was born, twin girl was full of awkward questions but was easily fulfilled by a quick glimpse of the bandage on my stomach and was happily comforted in the … [Read more...]
Jul 25, 2011
Day 1 of hell……
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Twin boy and girl have been asked to write memoirs of their six week holidays for school. I am keen for the teachers to have a realistic view of what six weeks at home 247 is like. … [Read more...]
