New schools are terrifying, lots of new people stood about in established groups, rituals and greetings established. Most have obviously grown up in pre schools and nurseries together and share a history that we have not been part of. However twin boy, twin girl and I have tried to fit in. To be honest the twins are doing a lot better than me. Twin boy has befriended a boy who can produce a competitive amount of green stuff from his nose, so they are clearly friends for life; he also has a trusted circle of pirates that he can turn to for new hints on how to cause significant pain with daggers made of foam and swords made of plastic. Twin girl has found herself chair of the school mothers union, they meet every playtime to look after their silent babies, exchange head lice and discuss the latest going ons in Scooby Doo.

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Since beautiful baby has arrived she has managed to achieve quite a lot. She has completely ruined my figure, (clearly it was she who had a craving for pizza not me) she has managed to get me to expose my breasts to the postman, the milkman, and very nearly my father-in-law. She has also managed to reduce me (a cynical, sarcastic almost middle aged woman) to an over enthusiastic, baby gurgling, obsessed mummy. Seriously if you come within 50 yards of the house I will entice you into the front room and insist that you spend hours looking at the 500 photos we have taken so far and then force you to stare at her whilst contorting your features into various expressions in order to make her smile, I will also force you to endure listening to me talking in baby speak and my personal favourite talking through the baby to you; i.e. ‘so does mummy’s friend want a cuddle, does she, oh yes she does.’

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I thought I had had a bit of a result today before my daughter kindly corrected me. I went out with two girlfriends yesterday and I used my spade in the morning to put on makeup in order to try and hide how completely knackered I look after spending the last 5 months at home with twin boy and girl and beautiful baby. However when I returned home slightly tipsy (understatement) clutching my shoes in one hand and breast pump in the other I managed to fall into my bed immediately completely forgetting to go via the bathroom to try and remove ‘excess slap’ from my face. The end result being that this morning I woke up late but already had full make up on. Albeit I had to rub away a few smudges of mascara here and there but all in all I was looking hot to trot for the school run.

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Today was different.

Now twin one and two are at school the pressure is really on me and he who helped create them to have proper ‘family time’ at the weekend. God forbid in their therapy sessions later in life they comment that we stunted their development in life by occasionally staying in on the weekend and not hitting every farm, playground, duck pond, and theme park in a 25 mile radius.

However today we had something that had to be done and to be honest we have been putting it off for some time.

We had to go to church…..

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