Over the ten years, (yup really), that I have written this blog, it has gone through a series of functions for my life.
At first it was a place to scribble stories of the children as babies, then an outlet for funny stories as they grew up. Now with the twins being 14, and BB approaching double digits – the tales of the kids are more kept for family and friends rather than the internet.
So it became a place for me, where I wrote in a cathartic way about life. I always imagine myself a chunkier Carrie Bradshaw when I sit down to type, who has less success getting dates.
Because we all know life isn’t always easy, but having somewhere to write about it can occasionally calm that.
We also know that life is beautiful, as seen in the eyes of toddlers when they fly through the sky on swings. In the excitement of children before Christmas Day. In the blush of summer when it finally arrives and the BBQ’s are released from the shed and the scent of sunshine follows.
I have found myself dwelling in all that scares me about life and sometimes choking on the angst of anxiety. It can be hard to overcome. But I read so much and have people tell me so many times – it can be….
I think being a working single mum, throws curveballs into life that are not always forseen. Being a good mum, being a good employee, making enough money to pay the bills, not to forget, taking time out to look after yourself is hard to cram into a seven day week. Especially when everyone says we need a minimum of 8 hours kip a night.
But we can dwell on the impossibility of the situation or make a resolve to make it better.
This is where I am.
I miss my previous carefree nature, all that being anxious has given me is an increased waistline, shares in Kleenex, more wrinkles, and less time enjoying life.
The only slight benefit of suddenly been scared about everything is it has given me a heightened sense of my finances and I’d like to think I am making better choices there.
But that’s it.
After that, my dabble with not feeling great in my head hasn’t really done me any favours at all.
Nope – I lie, it has actually shown me what an incredible network of friends and family I have around me. People who just text to say hi, friends who train with me at the gym, my best friend who is there all the time, I am truly lucky.
I don’t know if you can out-think anxiety, but I do know that I am going to give it everything.
Today is a Monday, we always start on a Monday….
The alcohol is being reduced to a minimal intake – because lets face it – when I went 18 months without, the blog was just funnier.
Food, and this saddens me a lot, because I have super indulged in comfort eating, but I am going back to the days of healthy grub and planning on shedding some of my additional tummy – because I can’t pull up any more, and I am not sure that junk food and sugar help a strong mindset.
My rather sensible brother says, future proof can always be found in past evidence. So I know I can do this.
I’m just learning how.
And I am going to do my damnest not to indulge the worry any more.
So I promise myself
I will get up each morning and make my bed.
I will eat decent food and not use time as an excuse.
I will exercise at least 5 times a week – because this makes me happy.
I will never drink alone.
I will look for the joy and not seek out despair.
I will live life for now, because the only certainty we have is that one day it will end.
I will work on the premise of kindness to all – because I think if we all try and make our little space happier, the domino effect of that could be tremendous…
And I’m going to write and update – it is your choice whether you read, but for now, this is something I need to do.
And I’ll try to be funny….
But the best I can do on that today is leave you with this….
How do you get an elephant into a subway.
You take the S out of “sub” and the F out of “way”