I only went and had an epiphany.
A real moment of enlightenment.
I was sitting on a beautiful beach last week, on holiday with my five girlfriends. We had spent the afternoon sunbathing, swimming, and a considerable time had been spent in the pub. As afternoon fell, I wandered off for a while and was sitting happily listening to the waves crash against the shore.
I was happy.
Stone cold sober….
I have been for over 9 months,I suspect that is the longest period since I turned 18.
Then I realised, alcohol has zero hold on me.
I don’t need it to relax, I don’t need it to have fun, I hate to sound evangelical – but I have honestly lost fuck all since I stopped chucking Prosecco down my neck in the evening.
I can sit all day in the pub if needs be with my alcohol free lager. I ain’t there for the vino, I am there because I want to catch up with my friends. Yes, I liked the taste, back in the day. But I also LOVED the taste of the fish and chips from the town where I grew up – but I ended that relationship years ago when I realised loving that taste was making me obese and spotty.
I can think of a host of things I like the taste of, that don’t on occasion leave me feeling like death the morning after.
Back in the day.
18 months ago, I would have told you I couldn’t imagine a night out where I stayed off the sauce. I would have thought it near on impossible to date without having a drink to steady my nerves. A tough day at work would have sent me straight to the fridge.
I was not an alcoholic. far from it, but man, I liked a drink.
So, honestly, no one is more surprised than me that currently I think I’d rather chew on a dogs bollock than have another drink.
Because,when I was sitting on the beach, feeling the sun kiss my cheeks and hearing the ocean sing to me – I realised, it’s just a drug.
We all know it isn’t good for us, around 9,200 people died from alcohol related illnesses in 2016.
We know, that whilst it can enhance an evening – it can also make you act like an absolute twat. The horror I have faced some mornings after when I have checked my phone with a bleary eye reading texts I don’t recall sending the night before. Or reviewing what Facebook status’s I felt the world needed to know at 2am.
Sitting on the beach, I was suddenly eaten alive with a sensation that I was free. I was also eaten alive by mosquitoes – but that is an entirely different blog.
I holidayed abroad without a single drop of alcohol….
I still stayed out past midnight, drinking mocktails in the bar with my friends.
I still danced like a dick at 10am when passing time before sunbathing.
I still talked for hours about life, love and everything else – I just didn’t slur my words.
But check this out
I ran by the sea at sunrise, finding a serenity and peacefulness that has never presented itself with a hangover.
I didn’t spend one moment of the trip in a state of regret.
I didn’t have a hangover or heartburn.
I have taken a million photos, but also, my memories are completely intact.
I think I am finally at one with who I am.
This is me and all that jazz.
I don’t need to hide behind a glass or boost my confidence with liquid.
I love the feeling that every choice I make is made with a clear mind.
9 months ago, I wrote a post telling alcohol I was leaving it for a time.
I think I am finally ready to make that separation a divorce.
Because life is better this way.