Would rather chew on a dog’s bollock….

Would rather chew on a dog’s bollock….

I only went and had an epiphany.

A real moment of enlightenment.

I was sitting on a beautiful beach last week, on holiday with my five girlfriends.  We had spent the afternoon sunbathing, swimming, and a considerable time had been spent in the pub.  As afternoon fell, I wandered off for a while and was sitting happily listening to the waves crash against the shore.

I was happy.

Perfectly happy.

And sober.

Stone cold sober….

I have been for over 9 months,I suspect that is the longest period since I turned 18.

Then I realised, alcohol has zero hold on me.

I don’t need it to relax, I don’t need it to have fun, I hate to sound evangelical – but I have honestly lost fuck all since I stopped chucking Prosecco down my neck in the evening.

I can sit all day in the pub if needs be with my alcohol free lager.  I ain’t there for the vino, I am there because I want to catch up with my friends.  Yes, I liked the taste, back in the day.  But I also LOVED the taste of the fish and chips from the town where I grew up – but I ended that relationship years ago when I realised loving that taste was making me obese and spotty.

I can think of a host of things I like the taste of, that don’t on occasion leave me feeling like death the morning after.

Back in the day.

18 months ago, I would have told you I couldn’t imagine a night out where I stayed off the sauce.  I would have thought it near on impossible to date without having a drink to steady my nerves.  A tough day at work would have sent me straight to the fridge.

I was not an alcoholic. far from it, but man, I liked a drink.

So, honestly, no one is more surprised than me that currently I think I’d rather chew on a dogs bollock than have another drink.

Because,when I was sitting on the beach, feeling the sun kiss my cheeks and hearing the ocean sing to me – I realised, it’s just a drug.

We all know it isn’t good for us, around 9,200 people died from alcohol related illnesses in 2016.

We know, that whilst it can enhance an evening – it can also make you act like an absolute twat.  The horror I have faced some mornings after when I have checked my phone with a bleary eye reading texts I don’t recall sending the night before.  Or reviewing what Facebook status’s I felt the world needed to know at 2am.

Sitting on the beach, I was suddenly eaten alive with a sensation that I was free.  I was also eaten alive by mosquitoes – but that is an entirely different blog.

I holidayed abroad without a single drop of alcohol….

I still stayed out past midnight, drinking mocktails in the bar with my friends.

I still danced like a dick at 10am when passing time before sunbathing.

I still talked for hours about life, love and everything else – I just didn’t slur my words.

But check this out

I ran by the sea at sunrise, finding a serenity and peacefulness that has never presented itself with a hangover.

I didn’t spend one moment of the trip in a state of regret.

I didn’t have a hangover or heartburn.

I have taken a million photos, but also, my memories are completely intact.

 

I think I am finally at one with who I am.

This is me and all that jazz.

I don’t need to hide behind a glass or boost my confidence with liquid.

I love the feeling that every choice I make is made with a clear mind.

9 months ago, I wrote a post telling alcohol I was leaving it for a time.

I think I am finally ready to make that separation a divorce.

 

Because life is better this way.

 

 

 

 

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1 Comment

  1. September 30, 2018 / 10:34 pm

    Love this – I feel exactly the same! Life is awesome just as it is, doesn’t need booze to make it any better. Sounds like your friends were supportive of your choice which is great. The worst thing about not drinking is when friends try to convince you to drink when you don’t want to!

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