Dear Alcohol, I am leaving you….

Dear Alcohol,  I am leaving you….

Dear Alcohol,

Let’s put this out there straight away, no beating around the bush.

  I want to break up.

I say this after a great deal of thought.  In fact the last time I uttered the words “do you think we should break up”, I found myself a single parent.

So they are not words I take lightly.

I have been pondering this on and off for a while. You remember when I asked for space in October and November?

That was like a test run.

It was tough in the first two weeks, I didn’t realise how much time we had spent together.  September and August were spent joyously holidaying together.  However, you are expensive to take away on vacation, and you never pick up the tab…

December, we had a few dates, but no sleepovers and I felt your hurt.  I know you were disappointed when I celebrated Christmas with just the one glass, but actually woke up feeling amazing on Boxing Day without our third friend, hangover, popping in to pay his festive wishes.

In these last three months I have thought a lot, and some more, and then some more again.

I think the gods honest truth is, we make each other miserable.

Not all the time.

We have had some cracking times, holidays, refreshing pints of beer on the beach, you have calmed my nerves on many an occasion when the kids have threatened to send me over the edge.

But you won’t go anywhere without inviting hangover, and sometimes I act like a bit of a twit when I’m with you.

Plus, here’s the thing.

Sometimes it feels a bit like I need you more then you need me….

And I do like to be independent.

Remember those horrific years when the kids hopscotched from one medical catastrophe to another.

I needed you a lot then, you became my crutch, it was the only way I could forget what was a pretty miserable time.

But drinking because you are sad or stressed is never really the same as that fun cold beer at the beach….

And it would seem I am an all or nothing type of gal when it comes to most things.

And as I’ve aged, well alcohol, I don’t think I really need to block emotions anymore.  Even sadness can be lived through.  Because when you take away the crutch, it is still there – waiting to be lived.

Remember my 40th?

(Glad one of us does…)

It was an epic night, fantastic party.   But it dawned on me by some of the (very funny) cards and gifts I received that I am seen as a bit of a drinker.

Think of Jane and think of Prosecco – this seems to be a theme.

And here’s the thing, alcohol…

I don’t want that label.

I want to be known for other stuff, an athlete, a writer, a parent clinging onto a sober sanity.  Anything really, except for, the woman who loves a good drink…. (and the woman who yells at her kids – but one thing at a time, right?)

Nothing is easy when you get involved.

At 40, one good night out takes a week to recover from. My memory bank never quite captures everything, and my performance in the gym diminishes post every pub crawl.

Maybe if I was the type of person who could have one glass with dinner then we could carry on.  But we both know that is an impossible dream, it would be like going out for dinner and not ordering mozzarella sticks if they are on the menu….

IMPOSSIBLE.

So,

It is time to break up.

I reckon I am just as much fun without you, and although meeting people, dating, going out can often feel easier when you have a couple of drinks inside you – I think I can learn to be pretty charming on my own.  It is testament to my all or nothing nature that is has to be this way.  But aren’t you excited to see what I can become?

I am betting I will be stronger, faster, happier without you in my life.  But, we can let time be the true judge.

First Pull Up at Crossfit after losing 10kg #Crossfit #macros
I am going to try for 365 days without and then make a true decision whether we can have any form of relationship.

I really want this to work, for me, not us.

So pack your corks, it time for you to go, please don’t beg – it isn’t becoming.

Am sure I will see you soon, catch you around, stay away from my lips.

Thanks for the good times,

 

Jane 

xxx

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7 Comments

  1. January 9, 2018 / 1:09 pm

    You are amazing! There’s a new book out – The Sober Diaries – you might like. I got sent it and it’s really interesting reading. About a woman who gives up booze completely. Not for me (the giving up booze) but I can totally see the positives of doing it and the book makes good reading! x

  2. January 9, 2018 / 2:21 pm

    I think this is amazing. I am pretty much tea total. I have the odd drink now and then but never to excess anymore. Well, I did drink a bottle of JD after my Mum died! I think I got all my drinking out of the way when I was younger and I never wanted to be one of those Mum’s that needs “Mother’s Courage” or Mother’s Ruin” depending on your point of view. I didn’t want my children to think they were the reason Mummy drinks (and they bloody well could be)!

    I have friends that drink every day, just to get through the day. Wine O’clock is when they start cooking the kids dinner, then a little more with their meal, before moving on to a gin before bed. They can never leave anything in the bottle and before you know it it is 7+ bottles a week at least. I think that it is easy for it to become a crutch.

  3. January 9, 2018 / 4:25 pm

    Jane I love this post, I gave up drinking over 2 years ago due to acidic stomach. Best thing I have ever done, I may very occasionally have a Mojito which I am partial to when out eating tapas with friends. As for the rest of it….. never missed it at all. Wine is a thing of the past, Prosecco my old favourite just turns to acid in my tum. I never needed alcohol to enjoy myself thankfully and the benefits have definitely outweighed the losses. My husband can never moan that he always drives home after dinner and parties as now he is the designated drinker and me the designated driver. No hangovers or dry parched throat. Happily a non drinker.

  4. January 10, 2018 / 8:19 am

    I’m with you. I’ve barely drunk in the last nine years. Nothing more than the odd glass here or there, maybe a few cocktails – but there’s a switch inside me now that says “You’re getting drunk stop.” and I do. I don’t like myself drunk, nor do I cope well with hangover. I also struggle to justify the expense. Nobody notices, everyone thinks they’ve been really drunk with me – they haven’t, they were drunk and I wasn’t.
    Good luck x

  5. January 10, 2018 / 12:32 pm

    I followed your lead with the Becks blue on 2 January, and right now I’m having a couple of those a week and not missing wine at all. Nor am I missing feeling actually okay in the mornings. Not that I drank heavily, but I’ve realised what a drain it is on my general energy levels, and that’s something worth holding on to. Good luck with this Jane, I bet you’ll do it and never look back. Prosecco’s over-rated anyway.

  6. January 13, 2018 / 5:09 pm

    Good for you! I have seriously cut down on my drinking in the last two years, since dad died (who I would often share a bottle with) and I met S who doesn’t drink… maybe a cider once in a blue moon… I occasionally have a small glass but nothing compared to what I used to. Even been on a couple of nights out on tap water, although I somehow got slightly drunk on New Years… well I say that, I was hung over (or felt hungover) New Years day, but I had barely drunk anything! Apart from that one night, I have learnt my limit, it’s just not worth the hang over.

    I can remember, when I was about 18, my dad said he wished they could make wine that tasted as good but without the alcohol. I thought he was crazy, my 18 year old self thought why wouldn’t you want alcohol? 30+ me knows why, and marvels at how wise my dad was.

  7. January 14, 2018 / 6:52 pm

    Welcome to a fascinating journey! I honestly never ever believed I would be someone who uttered the words ‘I don’t drink’, but now that I am that person I am more confident, less anxious, happier, calmed and able to take on whatever life throws at me. I’ve also learned a heap about myself in the process. You will too and you know where I am if you ever need a chat. Good luck!

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