Proven Ways to Feck Up Christmas

Proven Ways to Feck Up Christmas

I have made some epic fails in my parenting career to date, and they are even more pronounced at Christmas..

Plus is, I seem to be in good company with my blogging colleagues when it comes to Christmas fails….

Northernmum’s Top Three Fails

Yesterday morning, our Elf (loved and hated in this house), left a note saying he wanted to play Hide & Seek, and he was found hiding in the toy box.  My youngest daughter was not that impressed; in fact her exact words were…

He was funnier last year

This may be linked to the fact that last December I was typically having a glass or two or Christmas cheer most nights, and this year, nothing stronger than Tea is lacing my cup – so the Elf has become a dull bore.

Anyway, I decided to spice things up, by continuing the game whilst she was at school, so at least she could ‘find’ him again.

So I hung him from our light fitting on the stairs.  By hung, I mean I rammed him in between the lights, and left him.  With the lights firmly turned off – because I am not daft – I know what happens to heat and fabric just as well as Anna knew what would happen to Olaf in Summer.

What I didn’t plan for, was what happened next….

The dog has been ill, after another vomiting fit in the garden, I realised I may need to call the vet, and I prepped my credit card for some hard times.

The vet said, bring her straight in, so I juggled, begged and managed to find people to take my kids to their various after-school activities, and grabbed one child and the forlorn looking Labrador and took her to the vet.

That vet shook his head, and said she needed to go to another vet.

We drove 30 minutes to that vet….

That vet took x-rays.

Moments later, the loopy Labrador was laid on the operating table having the worlds largest stone cut out of her gut.   her second operation in two years because she cannot stop eating!   At the same time, my credit card hit its maximum, just before Santa comes down the chimney.

We came home, without the dog, who is checked into her own personal luxury kennel for the next two nights, which VISA is paying for.

I rounded up the kids, shared the news of the dog, walked in the house and grabbed a bottle of (alcohol-free) beer from the fridge.

It was needed.

Then the littlest one asked where the Elf was.

Shit!!!!! the bloody Elf.

It was as if the fire was in my backside, I sprang from the sofa so quickly.  Together we charged to stairs where she ‘found’ Elf, smoking hot.

The tears about the dog were non existent, the ones about the Elf were immense…..

I need to sew the Elf, as penance for my crime….

And of course it isn’t the first time I have tried to ruin Christmas.

This year I have also spent all of November convincing my now secondary school age children that Santa is real.  Then I decided to take advantage of them being older and more able to help this year,  and sent them to the garage to get the Christmas Tree decorations….   which were right next to where I am keeping their presents for this year.

And of course there was the time I put the Turkey in the oven Christmas morning, and turned the grill on instead…..    (sausages anyone?)

But luckily I am not alone, because it turns out, many more bloggers can fail at Christmas….

Blogging Parents Christmas Fails…

I once stabbed a stanley knife through my hand, trying to cut Christmas decorations out of cardboard… Spent most of Christmas Eve night at hospital, waiting to be stitched up…. #Fail

Layla From The Motherhood Diaries

I did the classic drop the turkey as it was coming out of the oven thing. And yes, I was going to pick it up and pretend it never happened, but the cats literally pounced on it. We had sausages with the roast veg instead 

























Terry-Ann from Dress Like a Fat (Skint) Mum

We told our son that if he was naughty he would only get socks and underpants for his xmas presents. We very wickedly wrapped these up and put them near the top of his pile for Christmas morning. He opened them and burst into tears so we had to tell him it was a joke and console him. I told him to open a gift from his Grandad to cheer him up and… yep… you’ve guessed it… socks and underpants!!

Nickie from Typecast


Christmas dinner two years ago ended up being fish finger sandwiches after my husband and I both came down with flu. The kids thought it was the best Christmas dinner ever!

Cat from Pushing the Moon

Last year I tried to make Christmas cake. Spent months lovingly feeding it sherry only to discover that come Christmas Day the bottom had gone mouldy! This year I’ll be buying a cake!

Becky from Mummy and Rory

I may have bought a tree that was too big for the house, so we could only build the bottom and top part! The craziest, fattest tree you ever did see.

Sinead from SineadLatham

I made my first Christmas cake, complete with “ Frozen “ scene on top … think snow, Olaf, Elsa … I was so proud ! I couldn’t wait for the grand unveiling on Christmas Day. I tripped over the dog on the way to the dining room and it ended up all over the walls.

Vikki from Familytravelwithellie

I once found a sack full of presents for my daughter that I’d forgotten to give her … the following June! It had all the presents she’d asked Santa for inside. I still can’t believe she never moaned that she’d not got any of the presents from her wish list!!

Louise from WithLovefromLou

I spent one evening wrapping a load of presents. However, I forgot to put tags on, so had to open them all slightly again to find out what was what!

Pete from HouseHoldMoneySaving

One year when I was little I asked Santa for skates and Argos could only deliver on Boxing Day so my Mum wrote a letter to me in all stencils from Santa saying my skates fell off the sleigh when he was doing the super-dooper-looper and he was sorry they were late!!
We still talk about it to this day!!

Vicki from Mummaandhermonsters


Any more epic fails?



1 Comment

  1. December 6, 2017 / 10:11 am

    Only you Jane.
    I love that story about the skates on boxing day! Just brilliant, that’s the kind of thing Christmases are made of.

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