The curse of the big breasted woman

The curse of the big breasted woman

The underwire from my bra died at the gym this week.  It literally got halfway through a workout and smashed through the shock absorbent material and attempted to penetrate my chin.

It wasn’t a great moment.

Bra’s are pretty important for me when at gym, well, anytime really, but at the gym they mean safety for myself from two black eyes and a couple of bruised knees.

It was touch and go as to whether I could carry on with the work out, but then a fellow gym buddy recommended I just remove the wire and see how that worked out.

Like any larger breasted woman, I was wearing a couple of over the shoulder boulder holders, so actually, barr a slight sag to the right, the bra still managed to restrain the puppies and the workout could continue.

That is….

After a quiet gasp from several woman that the piece of underwiring I had in my hand was larger than most of their heads.

In fact for most it could have worked as an oversized necklace against a nice black top.

It is going to cost me £50 to replace that bra. £55 if not one buys the lovely wire necklace I just put on eBay.

Yup.

£55.

Because if you are reading this with boobs under a D cup, then you don’t realise some of the traumas we ladies with larger love cups have to face….

10 problems of the bigger breasted babe.

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Image courtsey of Shutterstock (breasts not my own!)

  1. Bra’s are fecking expensive when you hit the bigger cup sizes….

We are not talking M&S here, once you hit a certain cup size you enter the world of specialist shops and they all come with a price tags that suggests you have bought enough cloth to quilt over India.  Other women I train with have numerous sports bras.  I have two, they are washed out nightly and until I notice my breasts precariously near my brows when skipping I aim not to replace them.

2. You can never run for a train

Or a bus, or away from a monster, unless you spend every waking minute in a sports bra.

A normal bra just about works on a day-to-day basis, running in one causes them to fly out sideways, knocking over small children and smashing into lampposts.

It is better to be late or to confront the monster.

3. Babies look at you like you are a five-star restaurant.

Its awkward.

4. You can lose food

Drop a few peas as you are eating and expect to see them hit the floor later when the bra is removed.

Really.

5. You have to have shares in safety pins

No shirt is safe without one

6. When gravity takes hold, the wrapping is better than the gift.

Yup, big boobs can look great in a bra.  But after breast-feeding, getting older, one finds that what looks amazeballs in lace can disappoint when they literally hit the deck once they are freed for the night.

7. Other people take the pencil test

You can carry your kids pencil-case to school under one and their lunch box under the other.

8. Shoulder strap bags…

Make you literally look like you are being cut in two.

9. Washing the dishes has to have a safety distance imposed

Unless you want the wet nipple look all day.

10. Breastfeeding terrifies you – they get bigger….

I kid you not, when I had twins, my bras came in one colour, and had to be imported.  See point one – big boobs can be costly – and I am not talking about implants!

 

 

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8 Comments

  1. January 3, 2017 / 12:01 am

    All of this. ALL of this.
    I hate that they also make you look bigger than you actually are and that there are a whole raft of clothes I can’t wear because I look like I’m all boob and no legs 🙁

  2. January 3, 2017 / 3:24 pm

    Oh yes. Every single bit. And straps so wide you could possibly drive a small car down one.
    And when one of the hooks at the back goes, you’re at it with pliers to try and save it so you don’t have to spend half the family food shop on a new one.

    And you can’t have big boobs and be tall. You can have big boobs and shop at Bravissimo for tops which will fit round the boobs but be too short, or shop at Long Tall Sally for the length and need 4 sizes bigger to accommodate the boobs. I hear you.

  3. January 4, 2017 / 9:18 am

    Agreed – until I had two babies, and went from a busty wench to a far more manageble (and a bit sad in a spaniel’s ears kind of way) D cup. Still busty, but they don’t enter a room before me any more. And I kind of miss it!

    My giant boobs gave my babies a pillow to snooze on many a time. I can only be grateful to them. And maybe crowdfund for a little uplift…..

  4. Roisin
    January 4, 2017 / 9:43 am

    I’m with you girls but I’m only a DD or E. I hated them since they arrived with a shock at about 15. Even considered a reduction in my 20s. Then I figured I’d be a poor role model for any big boobed daughter I may some day have. I have two super-slim small-boobed daughters now so I needn’t have worried. But I don’t mind them any more, although I should watch out for hungry babies on the loose. PS some amazing tops and dresses on Pepperberry, as well as some frightful ones.

  5. Julia Bristol
    January 7, 2017 / 4:00 pm

    the shame of having such a large bust is the fact that despite years of Pilates,watching what I eat and power walking up hills-I still look larger than I am because of the boobs!The only neckline feasible is a v shape,and i can never wear those lovely shorter dresses without looking like a large square!oddly enough i look far better in a bikini(major cup support obvs) due to the fact that i am not being overshadowed by my top
    half!!

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