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Northern Mum

Crossfitting, pancreas acting, single mum to three

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Confessions: I am that mum that….

Eats the kids chocolate and spends the next day helping them look for it.

Foil Wrapped Chocolates

Image courtesy of Shutterstock

Has no idea when the library bus comes.

Never gets the bloody permission slips in on time.

Sometimes pours the wine at 5pm.

Doesn’t iron anything.

Has convinced herself that no one can tell she doesn’t iron anything.

Never sends in socks with the sports kits.

Buys school shoes, plans to always clean school shoes, never cleans school shoes.

http://www.shutterstock.com/cat.mhtml?lang=en&language=en&ref_site=photo&search_source=search_form&version=llv1&anyorall=all&safesearch=1&use_local_boost=1&autocomplete_id=&search_tracking_id=D7lgGdkVG_RcPF7TFKuOcA&searchterm=school%20shoes&show_color_wheel=1&orient=&commercial_ok=&media_type=images&search_cat=&searchtermx=&photographer_name=&people_gender=&people_age=&people_ethnicity=&people_number=&color=&page=1&inline=1839978
Image courtesy of Shutterstock

Promises pocket-money and pretty much fails to deliver.  Every week.

Loses her temper, gives a ridiculous punishment and then spends the rest of the day trying to figure out a way they can “earn it back”.

Spends half her life justifying her behaviour because I am “allowed to because I’m a grown up.”

Has three inches of dust on the craft toys.

Took the stabilisers off the bike and failed to teach the child to ride.

Puts pictures of beautiful, clean food on Instagram and feeds the kids frozen fish fingers and chips (and peas – am not a complete fraud.)

shutterstock_231603580

Image courtsey of Shutterstock

Takes the kids back to school a day early after the six-week holidays.

Never seems to have Calpol in.

But ironically Google diagnoses some terrible things when the kids merely have a cold.

Shouts like a half crazed psychopath inside the house and then steps out of the door in front of the neighbours like Mary Poppins.

shutterstock_233650879

Image courtesy of Shutterstock

Cries when their child get star of the week.

Has homicidal thoughts towards the teaching staff when they don’t get star of the week.

Treats sports day as an Olympic event.

Wears a sports bra, just in case, on Sports Day.

Sometimes does the school run in PJ’s with a “long coat.”

Drinks the wine meant for the end of term teachers present.

Turns up to children’s parties and completely forgets to bring a gift.

Falls asleep when the children practise reading aloud.

Googles the answers to year five homework.

Tells the kids Santa doesn’t get to our house before 6am.

Maimed the tooth fairy one night by trapping her wings in the door, which is why she didn’t leave any cash.

Writes blog posts when I should be playing with Lego….

http://www.shutterstock.com/cat.mhtml?lang=en&language=en&ref_site=photo&search_source=search_form&version=llv1&anyorall=all&safesearch=1&use_local_boost=1&autocomplete_id=&search_tracking_id=g8FJjLlEXZr5vpz_vp89ug&searchterm=lego&show_color_wheel=1&orient=&commercial_ok=&media_type=images&search_cat=&searchtermx=&photographer_name=&people_gender=&people_age=&people_ethnicity=&people_number=&color=&page=1&inline=117913936

Image courtesy of Shutterstock

All of the above much be the reasons as to why Tesco exclude me annually from their mum of the year awards….

Comments

  1. Kim Carberry says

    February 1, 2016 at 8:39 pm

    hahaha! I do quite a few of those too….Love it x

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      February 2, 2016 at 11:05 pm

      🙂

      Reply
  2. Donna says

    February 1, 2016 at 8:46 pm

    Laughing out loud – especially to the Mary Poppins bit which is TOTALLY me.

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      February 2, 2016 at 11:05 pm

      Just a spoonful of sugar….

      Reply
  3. Sarah | Boo Roo and Tigger Too says

    February 1, 2016 at 8:48 pm

    I’m nodding to quite a few of these

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      February 2, 2016 at 11:05 pm

      Thank the lord for that – I must be normal 🙂

      Reply
  4. Claire says

    February 1, 2016 at 9:09 pm

    Aww I think we’ve all done some or all of the above or at some point some of my blunders – took son home instead of him going to the after school film club that’s been paid for in advance, forgot to donate money so he could wear non uniform for charity, forgot to put nappies in nursery bag so little girl came home with a nursery nappy on (extra thin and very likely to leak) its because us mums are busy trying to remember everything we sometimes forget the little things 🙂

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      February 2, 2016 at 11:04 pm

      I love you!

      Reply
  5. thismummylark says

    February 1, 2016 at 11:22 pm

    This made me chuckle!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      February 2, 2016 at 11:04 pm

      Good laughing is good for the soul x

      Reply
  6. Notmyyearoff says

    February 1, 2016 at 11:49 pm

    Hehe I pick Z up daily thinking “must give your shoes a good clean”, then completely forget and just send him in exact state again the next day, usually in the nick of time….just!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      February 2, 2016 at 11:04 pm

      they ruin them daily!

      Reply
  7. Rhian @melbs says

    February 2, 2016 at 12:08 am

    Ha ‘posts clean food on Instagram and feeds the kids fish fingers’
    Shame on you!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      February 2, 2016 at 11:04 pm

      *snorts*

      Reply
  8. Rachelradiostar says

    February 2, 2016 at 7:10 am

    I hate to tell you petal, you’ve a few more years to go!!

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      February 2, 2016 at 11:04 pm

      Oh lordy!

      Reply
  9. (Mostly) Yummy Mummy says

    February 2, 2016 at 7:44 am

    We’re supposed to clean school shoes? Oh bugger…

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      February 2, 2016 at 11:03 pm

      Maybe it was a chinese whisper

      Reply
  10. Jane Taylor says

    February 2, 2016 at 10:04 pm

    Fabulous..Obviously, I never do any of those things… 😉
    But I am a mummy who goes and shuts all of the double glazed windows in her house in a quiet cul-de-sac and then shouts at the kids.

    Reply
    • northernmum says

      February 2, 2016 at 11:03 pm

      I think I need better double glazing 🙂

      Reply
  11. sarsm says

    February 2, 2016 at 11:15 pm

    You’re my kind of mum!!

    P.S. What is ironing????

    Reply
  12. Michelle Twin Mum says

    February 14, 2016 at 11:41 pm

    Tesco just have no idea Jane! You’d get my vote. Mich x

    Reply
  13. Becky says

    February 17, 2016 at 11:24 am

    They exclude me too…shame ion them we are REAL MUMS! not giving our kids unrealistic expectations of their adult selves

    Reply
  14. Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love) says

    February 17, 2016 at 10:16 pm

    Love this post – I can certainly relate to quite a few of these too! I have been known to open the wine at 5pm and the line about shouting like a half-crazed psychopath inside the house and then being like Mary Poppins outside the house really made me laugh – I am certainly guilty of that one! And yes, I have been known to write blog posts when I really should be sitting on the floor and playing. Glad it’s not just me that is guilty of some of these!

    Reply
  15. Lindsay At Newcastle Family Life says

    February 27, 2016 at 8:16 pm

    I was noddling along to lots of these myself. I never hand permission slips in on time, and I Google my daughters homework all of the time and gets sidetracked and googles an illness or something and thinks we are all about to die very regularly xx

    Reply
  16. nina says

    March 17, 2016 at 9:45 pm

    Your post rings so true with me. I am also the mum who takes the child too early or too late for school after the school holidays. How comes everyone else knows the day they go back? 🙂

    Reply
  17. Molly says

    March 24, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    Late to the party on this post but all of these are reasons why I love you! (I too am that mum – spesh the ironing part.)

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. #TotsGoodReads Home educating, being THAT mum and why parents know best | Tots 100 says:
    February 3, 2016 at 7:51 am

    […] Buys school shoes, plans to always clean school shoes, never cleans school shoes. Read more from Northernmum here. […]

    Reply
  2. Looking for a giggle? Then you need to be reading these nine funny blogs | Tots 100 says:
    April 19, 2016 at 10:33 am

    […] Northernmum regales us with anecdotes from her three thrill seeking children.  Between them they have more health conditions than is socially acceptable for one family but there spirit always shines through.  Jane writes comically about their adventures with posts like Confessions: I am the that … […]

    Reply

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