Nine and a half hours..
It is not really enough time to prepare for such a life shattering change.
I should have started weeks ago, but time is something that I seem to have increasingly little of nowadays.
In nine and a half hours, I will have no time at all. The end is nigh, and I am terrified.
How I didn’t notice the Apocalypse was coming is beyond me. The date is clearly circled in red on the calender. The markings drip angrily, as the end of my life is clearly highlighted.
Perhaps it was denial that caused me not to see.
I had planned to be more prepared. I wanted to drive to Aldi, clear the shelves of their pretend Pimms and perfect Processco. I wanted to have supplies so I could be catatonically drunk when the end descended.
Of course I was too late. I went this morning, mouth dry with anxiety. Heart thumping with fear, I almost had a full blown panic attack as I stood in the wine aisle, seeing nothing but empty spaces where once there was wine and sot of Pimms. I love Aldi’s Pimms.
I stood in despair, eyes filling with tears as I realised I would either have to upgrade to Tesco prices or face the end with my wits about me.
I only had a pittance in my purse, sobriety was my only choice.
Nine and a half hours,
Just not enough time to learn how to brew cheap Prosecco or discover the secret behind Aldi’s cheap Pimms.
But enough time to achieve something, I plan to spend an hour hiding glitter pots, when the end befalls us I cannot bear to see it sparkle on my floor. I have also diarised time to put away the Play Doh (somewhere high), again, when life as I know it ends, I don’t want to be working out how to survive whilst picking posh plastercine out of the carpet.
Nine and a half hours.
I plan of taking at least five to sit and read a book and drink a cup of tea.
It will be weeks before normality returns to allow this simple treat again.
Be strong now, be strong. Parents of the world unite. Some of us will fare better than others post the apocalyptic event. Some of you will find life after the end too hard to bear, some will stumble through trying to survive. Those who did the Aldi run sooner may even emerge drunkenly smiling.
We have nine and a half hours,
Then the school holidays begin….