Shaming the children: Sports Day 2013

Shaming the children: Sports Day 2013

It has taken me almost a week to write this tale, this alone will tell you how scarred I was by the experience.

So let me take you back a few days, to the middle of last week, to the twin’s Sports Day.

I don’t hide the fact that I have a little competitive steak bubbling under my skin, and I confess sometimes it gets the better of me.

My oldest pair have inherited this gene.

Thursday 11th July

I didn’t need an alarm, twin boy and twin girl appeared fully clothed in t-shirt, running shorts, and trainers at 6.30am.  Twin boy pulled open my right eye and twin girl whispered into my ear ‘Sport’s Day Mummy.’  With those sacred words I was awake and wide with it.

I dressed with haste, he who helped create them had hidden my It is all about winning t-shirt, so I had to make do with a plain black top.  If the kids were disappointed they didn’t show it.  My running spikes had also mysteriously gone AWOL and my trainers so I had to wear flip-flops.  The only consolation was my footwear could get mislead other mothers into thinking I wasn’t a threat.

Yes, I had been in training.  I had prepared for the parents race.

In the fortnight before Sports Day I had skipped, ran, jumped in a sack, and carried a bean bag on my head for a 100 meters.  I was prepared for anything Sports Day could throw at me.

We all ate a hearty breakfast, we chomped on carbs to compliment the pasta tea of the night before.  I had to take BB to pre-school, she doesn’t like Sports Day, my shouting upsets her.

In the car I gave the kids the annual pep talk, I threw in the old jargon about having fun and not worrying where you came, it fell on deaf ears.  My kids know when I am lying to them.

Twin girl told me she intended to win, twin boy concurred and then they both sighed.

I questioned immediately, what was wrong, had I given them an overkill of carbs? Was it sitting heavy in their tummies, did I need to encourage a bowel movement from them before we got to school?

It was something else.

“Mummy,” Twin girl whispered, “we are worried about the egg and spoon race.”

“Tsk” I replied, scorn etched on my face, “the egg and spoon doesn’t count, it is not a real race.”

The kids, relieved, sat back in their seats.

The day began, the sun shone and all was well.  Twin Boy took the first Gold in the sprint and his sister tied for a Gold in the same race.  The sack race went badly for twin boy, he couldn’t work out his jumping from his stumbling and spent most of the race kissing the grass.  He did get a surprise Bronze medal in the egg and spoon, it became a little more real for me then.  Twin girl stole Silver in skipping and a Bronze again in egg and spoon.  I began to see the talent needed for this complicated sport.

Then it was time.

The mums were summoned by mega phone to the starting line.  I didn’t look at my children but I could feel their eyes burning into me.

I limbered up by the start line, and carefully removed my flip flops.  I assessed the competition and smiled internally.  None of them looked like they had spent evenings skipping up the garden, jumping in sacks down the street and running laps round the park.

I prepared to start.

Then suddenly….

A large wooden spoon and a plastic egg was thrust into my hand, and a matching pair into that of my competitors.

Holy crap.

The parents race was the egg and spoon.

The whistle blew and I set off like Kelly Holmes and my egg flew off my spoon like Jessica Ennis.

I was fecked.

The race passed in a blur of me stumbling, scraping around in the grass for my egg, and I watched a lot of other school mothers arses pass me by.

I lost, I tried to turn to comedy and I took out a friend with me in a humorous rugby tackle.  The chuckle from the crowd did nothing to soothe my shame.

As I said – the egg and spoon is not a real race.



  1. July 18, 2013 / 6:26 am

    You are amazing.
    I love how competitive you are! I too was prepared for the teachers race this year. Which also turned out to be egg and spoon. I lost miserably. I stop myself from crying with the knowledge I would have beaten them all in a ‘real’ race! 😉

    • northernmum
      July 18, 2013 / 7:13 am

      see it is not a real race!

  2. July 18, 2013 / 8:39 am

    Oh Jane, thanks for starting my day with a giggle! I am glad to have got off lightly with the usual 100m Mums race on our sports day. Who ever invented the egg and spoon race anyway?

    • northernmum
      July 18, 2013 / 8:01 pm

      Exactly! bet they were not even a parent

  3. July 18, 2013 / 8:43 am

    This is so funny and honest, thank you for making me laugh! I’m the complete opposite at Sports Day and only take part in the Parents race if my kids want me too, which has only happened once. Phew!

    • northernmum
      July 18, 2013 / 8:01 pm

      My kids drag me to the front!

  4. Helloitsgemma
    July 18, 2013 / 4:08 pm

    Sports day here today. I took a blanket. I sat on it and sometimes spotted my child in the distance. As I over heard one teacher say. It’s not a competition, today is not the day to be competitive. Best stay on my blanket then. I did eat my cheesy crisps really quickly. You would have been proud.

    • northernmum
      July 18, 2013 / 7:59 pm

      How quickly? like world record quick?

  5. July 18, 2013 / 6:00 pm

    Oh sorry I’m truly giggling at the thought, no worries my hubby comes last every year, we can’t take it away he tries so this was fab, little man could say well he didn’t come last this year…reason 2 dads fell over 😉

    Thanks for linking up x

    • northernmum
      July 18, 2013 / 7:58 pm

      Welcome! x

  6. Richmond Mummy
    July 19, 2013 / 8:35 pm

    Lol! I will be exactly the same when my two see old enough to be at school and partaking in sports day, I’ll be all over that mum race – moi, competitive? You betcha! I won’t bother with egg and spoon though, as you say, it’s not a REAL race… X

    • northernmum
      July 27, 2013 / 6:27 pm

      Head straight for the sprint!

  7. July 20, 2013 / 11:19 pm

    Hilarious Jane, very funny post. And you’re right egg and spoon is not a race, it’s silly 🙂

    • northernmum
      July 27, 2013 / 6:26 pm


  8. July 23, 2013 / 4:18 pm

    Ah this took me back to my mam and auntie battling it out in 1989, Diana haircuts and shoulder pads, elbows out battling to the finish line, I’ll be exactly the same when my girl is old enough (except with better hair and clothes than my mam, right?!)

    • northernmum
      July 27, 2013 / 6:19 pm

      hmmmm, have you checked out the fashion of late

  9. July 23, 2013 / 11:35 pm

    hehehe, oh this did make me chuckle. Next year take a small ball of blu tac – it can’t be classed as cheating because like you say it’s not a real race 🙂

    • northernmum
      July 27, 2013 / 6:18 pm

      Excellent advice

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