I am not known as a technical guru.
My mum thinks I can fix the VHS machine if she really needs to me to but it is he who helped create them that she always asks first. Things that need programming scare me and little things with flashing lights always look like they will break in my clumsy fingers.
However this doesn’t stop me wanting all the latest technologies, I hanker after them in the same way that others crave to invest in all that glitters, like exquisitie bracelets and alluring high-end rolex prices. When I ran the marathon I had a state of the art GPS running watch; I used the basic stopwatch function. My running buddy used to wipe tears from his eyes when he saw me hit start and stop and not even consider how to programme pace or distance.
Yet I was happy, I had what I wanted and it did what i needed.
Then along came IPads, I looked on in envy as others sat in cafes swiping at a square screen whilst I sadly unloaded my laptop and hunted around for a plug to pop in my cable. My IPad envy was overwhelming.
So I got one, I won it actually – which meant I was close to estatic.
I didn’t have a clue how to use it.
I managed to get it to play one episode of that pink buffoon Peppa Pig, a whole five minutes worth of airtime for the smaller version of myself to enjoy whilst travelling in the car.
Like me, BB has a taste for the technical, and like me she has no idea what to do with it when she gets it.
Five minutes passed happily, whilst I heard her croon in happiness as she sat in a car with her pals George and Peppa.
Then it ended and it all went wrong.
“More Peppa,” she demanded.
I tried to explain that I didn’t know how to do more, I tried to tell her it wasn’t my fault, and the technology was too much for me no matter how pretty the tablet looked.
BB decided she know knew what to do with the IPad.
She waited in silence, breaking it only for the occasionally sob of distress. We arrived home and as I looked at her through the mirror she stared back with a resolute glare, I could see she was planning something; I was naive as to what.
I hopped out of the car, eager to play with my new toy, I opened the car door to where my smallest was sitting and then watched mouth agape as my two day old IPad went flying through the sky landing screen down on a gravel drive with a sickening thud.
“Bad IPad, smash it, no Peppa” said my tantruming toddler.
I learnt a lesson, whilst I am technically inept, technology is not for two year olds.