As BB is my third child it is rare that she, he who helped create them and I spend days out alone together. We have spent a fair bit of time cooped up in hospitals together but no one really describes that as worthy of hitting the top ten fun things to do with kids list.
Today was meant to be a day that BB could spend with her parents, one that would involve fun, icecream, shows, rides and a fair handful of chocolate buttons.
It didn’t go according to plan.
BB glowed with excitement when we arrived at Legoland. She has never been before but the bright bricks lured her in from the entrance. My heart cracked a little when I saw other toddlers toddling and touching and jumping and playing whilst BB pointed and gasped from the security of her buggy.
Four days post spica removal and BB has cracked sitting, but standing and walking are still huge mountains for her to climb.
The boat ride caused a smile to dance across her beautiful face and the train ride left her beaming and waving at anyone fortunate to look at her.
We didn’t get much further.
Five minutes later I broke my daughter.
A cheerfully coloured park lay in front of my daughters eyes. Play cars, swings and slippy slides beckoned her.
“Walk, walk” she yelled and holding her hands she hopped on her good leg whilst dragged the bad.
We didn’t even think, we just saw a slide and a 23 month old desperate to zoom down it, and by god my daughter has earned the right to be spoiled a little.
We placed her on the top and I stood ready to catch her at the bottom camera in one hand and the other outstretched.
Such a tiny slide…
She slid halfway and gurgled with pleasure, lights dancing in her eyes, her mouth already poised to cry “more”.
She stopped, her new patent black shoes snagged on the side, her left side, the side that has been in a full leg cast for three months.
In a heartbeat we saw what was to come and we sprung to action, but too late, too slow.
She continued to slide, her foot remained stuck until her leg bent behind her. Not comfotable for a ‘normal’ toddler, sheer bloody agony for a child whose leg has remained straight for three months solid.
I screamed and felt the other mothers eyes turn on me, the over reactor, the mummy who mollycoddles.
He who helped create them scooped her up whilst she shook and sobbed in pain.
I broke her.
My heart split, all I could see was more time in spica, more hurt for BB, I looked at her Daddy and knew he saw it too.
The ambulance came, white faced BB quivered as once again she was checked and prodded and poked.
She has been X rayed and so far signs say her hip is fine, but the pain isn’t going nor is the absolute fear in her eyes that she will hurt herself again.
She won’t let me lift her, she won’t let me feed her, she won’t try to sit, she just wants to lie protected by an invisible bubble.
I remember when this blog was a place where funny happened, I miss that.
We have been admitted, overnight, to check that the pain is less tomorrow.
I’m sorry BB…