Parenting: The one about being pregnant ~ Northernmum

Parenting: The one about being pregnant ~ Northernmum

Benjamin Franklin once said….. 

 A ship under sail and a big-bellied woman, are the handsomest two things that can be seen common

Do you reckon a woman would ever compare carrying a child to a sailing ship.  Admittedly I suffered terribly from sea sickness whilst lugging around my unborn brood however I fail to see how this portrayed me as handsome or seaworthy. 

I blossomed through pregnancy, truly blossomed, in fact I blossomed so much that towards the latter end of being pregnant with the twins I managed to clear out the local swimming pool when a modern day Captain Ahab came lurching towards with me a harpoon. 

I didn’t enjoy being pregnant, I did not feel as Anna Buchanan did when she said…

To be pregnant is to be vitally alive, thoroughly woman, and undoubtedly inhabited.

I felt like death warmed up on good days, on others I merely existed as a two people within me thrived on my every sense.  I began each morning praying to the God of porcelain and often I ended the day in the same way. I ate my body weight in watermelon and custard and felt thoroughly pig like as opposed to womanly.  I can agree with the lovely Anna in that I was inhabited, although that messed with my mind a little.  For nine months I had a penis inside me, surely that should make me less womanly?  I can see most days how Freud managed to forge a career out of this stuff.

My highlights of being pregnant include emptying the contents of my breakfast into my handbag between Baker Street and Great Portland Street on the Hammersmith and City Line.  Luckily I was only 8 weeks gone and was bump free at the time so the suited businessman whose shoes took a bit of a splattering presumed I was deeply hung-over and felt it his privilege to ensure I knew how revolting I was.  I managed to shrug off his harsh words by performing a repeat act before the doors vibrated open but I have never been able to use that Ted Baker beauty since.

There was the time when I was given a handicapped seat at a Sterophonics show as my multiple bulk didn’t seem to fit into a regular ‘gigger’s seat’ and I was considered a health and safety risk for the mosh pit.  I spent the whole concert supporting a very drunk he who helped create them and wondering if everyone presumed I was disabled through extreme weight as opposed to pregnant with twins.

I am more inclined to funny lady Rita Rudner’s point of view when she quips life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.  And Rita has never had the joy of being host to a siblings first argument as they fight over ownership of the umbilical cord from within you.

I liked the end result of pregnancy, the bit after you have attempted (and in my case failed) to push something the size of a watermelon out of a pin sized hole and have torn, ripped parts of you that have only been used previously for pleasure.  I liked the bit with the baby, but the rest of it, I could happily plod through life without reliving.

What about you?  How was the act of growing large and hefty for you?


(He who helped create them has started a new website selling shoes, the ladies selection is growing as I type – please show it some love and check it out here  – Nothing But Shoes – thanks)


  1. May 2, 2012 / 6:17 pm

    Wasn’t keen on the first bit, the sicky, tired, can’t tell anyone bit. Liked the rest of it though. Right up until the 12 days past due date bit. At which point I wasn’t keen again. The heat wave, huge bump, rapidly swelling feet and every Tom, Dick or Harry telling me to, “Eat a hot curry” became rather tiresome.

  2. May 2, 2012 / 7:48 pm

    I’m not keen on being pregnant, or giving birth for that matter. I like the baby at the end though..


  3. May 2, 2012 / 8:46 pm

    I hated being pregnant. I had SPD, and piles, no ankles and DD3 decided make me so sick I had to be induced 1 day after my due date.
    I quite liked feeling kicks and having a widely acceptable excuse to be fat for once in my life but the rest of it I could live without.
    I had so many drugs the first time I gave birth, I couldn’t really remember it, so went back and tried a few more times, just to be sure. By the time I got to DS, he just kind of fell out.
    I sometimes have nightmares about getting pregnant again and trying to work out what I would do.

  4. Sam
    May 2, 2012 / 9:51 pm

    Wanted desperately to love being pregnant as waited so long for no1 son but it was hideous, sick for 5 months then the kicking made me feel even more sick. Giving birth was easier 2nd & 3rd time but the pregnancies certainly weren’t!

  5. May 2, 2012 / 9:52 pm

    I laughed a lot at this (sorry), not because I enjoyed your misery but it kept putting v vivid pictures into my head. I was lucky with my pregnancy and it was brilliant physically. I did burst into tears constantly though, including one time where I had a massive blubbing session to my male manager where I kept wailing I wanted a demotion and It wasn’t fair I subjected everyone to my tears. He was most understanding (thank god) and I didn’t martyr myself by standing down from my role, probably grcsude he didn’t understand any of my blubbing.

  6. May 3, 2012 / 8:08 am

    Can’t say that I enjoyed it very much. The first trimester was a real struggle – exhaustion, sickness, and acute ante natal depression … not pleasant, and has put me off from having another one. I just couldn’t go through that again. Second and thitrd trimesters were better but I never felt quite like myself if you know what I mean.

  7. May 3, 2012 / 8:18 am

    I didn’t hate being pregnant, but I didn’t love it either. I wasn’t sick thankfully, though I was nauseous. But I hated being treated like I couldn’t do anything for myself. No climbing on stools or ladders, no over-reaching… I had no idea how many times I need to climb on things over the course of a year. (Note to self – stop storing so much crap in the attic!)

    Still, I am glad to have experienced it. In hindsight, it was amazing. Even if it didn’t feel like much fun at the time! 🙂

  8. May 3, 2012 / 12:45 pm

    I loved being pregnant but, like you, was sick almost throughout each one, got SPD with my 3rd baby, got spots, felt tired and irritable and that was just a good day! It is an amazing experience but some people just don’t manage it as well as others and I am one of those people.

  9. May 3, 2012 / 3:27 pm

    Hello! I was sick as a dog from wks 6-13. I was driving to work one morning and had to stop, pull over, open the car door and be sick in the kerb. Passers-by would have assumed I was hungover too! But then once the sickness passed and I’d had the scan, I LOVED it. Seriously, I do not think I have ever been happier. Obviously I loved the baby bit even more but that is tiring – being pregnant was my time for reclining on the sofa in front of America’s Next Top Model with a family pack of Minstrels, while everyone fetched me things 😉 Ah, I miss those days…

  10. May 3, 2012 / 9:59 pm

    Well I didn’t mind being pregnant as such, but I didn’t like the ever-growing list of dos and don’ts that go along with it!

  11. May 4, 2012 / 5:31 pm

    I have to say that as much as I was in love with my little babies growing inside me, I absolutely hated being pregnant. The constant feeling of bloatedness, massive swollen boobs, stretch marks and hurling 24/7 for nine months coupled with heartburn. It was very difficult on me. So pleased I’m not the only one that feels that way.

  12. Helloitsgemma
    May 5, 2012 / 4:40 pm

    What a shame about the ted baker hand bag. I have questions about the shoe business….

  13. May 6, 2012 / 7:53 pm

    I loved being pregnant. Was one of those lucky ones who sailed through 3 pregnancies full of energy and with not a day of sickness.

    What I am totally and utterly rubbish at is giving birth.

    Real shame about the bag. You must have been gutted!

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