I often considered being a SAHM (stay at home mum) and a WAHM (work at home mum) however recent circumstances have ensured that I have firmly returned to my role as a BOTTOM (bugger off to the office mum); much to the excitement of twin boy and twin girl as they now firmly believe that as Mummy is earning pennies so they can go on holiday again…
As they cannot yet access the internet to read ‘mummy’s bog’ I am comfortable in telling you that this is an illusion in their minds as in our house we have adopted a modern approach and have inverted the traditional parenting model. In short I go out and earn the green and he who helped create them is now performing the role of Daddy Daycare. Which means we are still teetering on the edge of financial ruin as its hard to feed five growing tummies on one little income. So unless they think a holiday is pitching a tent in the backyard and singing Kum Ba Ya twin boy and girl are going to be a tad disappointed when the 6 week break rolls around.
But hey ho, I owe I owe so its off to work I go.
I have discovered a couple of things already in my new role as a BOTTOM.
The first being that my kids are fickle little beggars, after a whole year of playing Barbie and Buzz and even getting that bloody play doh out they declared after one day in Daddy Day care that their father was indeed more fun than me.
Another recent discovery of a BOTTOM is that if you change a fully packed super dooper poop filled cloth nappy just before you go to work that smell will stay with you all day. No amount of Calvin Klein will shift it.
And finally as the end of the working day approaches it is blooming hard to concentrate on your day job when your inner boob is calling ‘milk me BOTTOM, milk me now’ after eight hours of being apart from a small child.
But apart from that the perks of being a BOTTOM are quite good, free tea, all day with no questions asked, except for one lump or two? Plus lunches without wiping someone else’s backside and hours and hours without hearing the word “why”!
Lifes not so bad after all…
Any other BOTTOM’s out there?
**By the way my little blog has been shortlisted in the MAD blog Awards; I am really flattered, if you want to help me win please click on this voting link and enter your name and email and my blog has been shortlisted in Best Mad Blog about Family life (the first one); just click ‘northern mum’ – Thanks from me, twin boy, twin girl, BB, and he who helped create them x x x
I am a proud BOTTOM. Well actually, maybe I am a WAHM. Oh no identity crisis. I either travel for hundreds of miles to the office or I work from my home office. Hubby is daddy daycare whatever I do. Can I have a new acronym? BOTTOM WIPER? BIG BOTTOM?
Ha! yes you can choose you own acronym! x x x
Did you make up BOTTOM? Very clever!
I’m imaging the aroma of poo mixed with CK….
x
Yes I am going to patent it!
Day 2. kids in sun cream. already had their 5 a day and the smarties cut back to half a packet! all before 11.30. Now to get twin boy down from the ladder with BBQ on his shoulders….
Ha ha, and I never even mentioned the sun cream incident!
I am a wahm bottom! The other thing to be aware of is the moment you decide to take your first lunch break of the week and leave the office you will et a call from nursery to say your child is ill! Every time. I never have a break anymore!
Lol x
Technically I too am a BOTTOM – I do like it sometimes but wish I did less BOTTOM-ing and more SAHM-ing!
You make a lovely bottom! And soon won’t you be a sahm again…
Well, it will be a WAHM with a toddler and newborn right!! I can’t wait (barring the sleepless nights again!)
Hehe – good luck x
I love it!! I’m a BOTTOM now too, although still desperately trying to find another way to make money so that I can stop selling my soul to the evil corporate overlords!
We are bottom buddies
I am not a BOTTOM but a WAHM but Baba leaves me some days to work so I have the perks of being a BOTTOM but in my own house now that is nice! xx
ooh utopia!
I am all of the above working from home some days, office others and no work the remainder – but have to say I love my bottom days – I get to eat, drink and go to the toilet on those days – bonus! P.S rather gutted I didn’t come up with the fab term bottom – u deserve many cupcakes / glasses of vino for that!
I used to be a BOTTOM, now a SAHM. It took some getting used to, but I’m into it now. Still trying to come up with a way to make money from home. Keep up the good work Jane!
well done you mrs x x x x
Oh the joys of being a BOTTOM and getting to drink warm tea!
Scolding Amy, scolding!
BOTTOM? You’re a genius!!! Thanks for validating my life choices 🙂
Hehehe! thanks
I too am a BOTTOM and having teenage kids means that the only time I can get online and check out facebook, twitter, and wonderful blogs like yours is in the office (my boss is my hubby…so if he complains about me doing this I will remind him that he never does any ironing or toilet cleaning!)
Wise wise lady!
I’m a hybrid, part bottom, part bugger.
Fabulous! a hybrid I love it
I’m somewhere between BOTTOM and WAHM a BOTTOMWAHM and definitely enjoy the BOTTOM days. There’s certainly something to be said for being able to go to the loo on your own, eat lunch in a civilised way and not have some little monkey biting your legs to gain attention (which mine does when I’m WAHMing).
As for the holiday – tent in back garden sounds fantastic. We love camping… and as long as the sun’s shining, there’s a bbq to hand and some sticks for marshmallows.
Hmmm I struglle with camping, dislike tents immensley!
Well, apart from being a complete arse, I work at home so I guess I’ll have to be classed as a WAHM. I’ll never see bottoms in the same way again.
CJ xx
Ha, thats my favourite comment! x
I quite like the sound of life as a BOTTOM. Unfortunately the man refuses to do a Daddy Daycare so I’m left doing the Mummy Daycare as well as being a BOTTOM at the weekend and a WAHM in the week. All very confusing and likely to cause something of an identity crisis. Long live the BOTTOM brigade. x
You will always be a BOTTOM to me…
Love it. I am kind of mixed up – a WAHM BOTTOM? I work from home but the kids get to bugger off instead – one to school and one to my mum’s – while we both tap away at our computers and mix up the Mummy and Daddy Daycare out of school hours.
What I crave for in the life of a BOTTOM is a commute long enough to read at least one chapter of a novel. Sadly the distance between the kitchen and the office is only two flights of stairs.
I feel your dreams may not be achieved for a while! Try setting smaller aspirations, like maybe reading a letter?
I’d love to be a BOTTOM but it’ll never happen, as DH earns at least 3 times what I would.
*Sigh*
I’ll have to make do with being an Parental ARSE (Autonomous Ruler Sans Employment) instead.
like that title – I can only aspire *sigh*
I am a Bottom (how much do I love that term now?) but have just completed day 1 of my 2nd maternity leave. Does that make me a temporary Bottom? A half assed bottom? Not sure. All I can say is that whatever type of mum you are it is a mixture of tricky and lovely. Enjoyed your post very much.
Thank you x
I’m a veteran BOTTOM of eight years – brilliant idea. I have days when it is clearly running away to the office! My better half stays home. Its not for everyone, but it works for us – most of the time!
Shhh dont tell anyone but I am now really enjoying being a BOTTOM