The day I missed a miscarriage…
It was 2009, it was a Friday, the weather was unremarkable, neither hot nor cold with no wind to blow the petals off the roses in the garden.
I was almost thirteen weeks pregnant with my third baby, I had turned a corner and left the exhaustion, the nausea and the love affair with my toilet bowl behind in the first trimester. I was upbeat, healthy and excited.
I lowered my clearly pregnant frame into the car clutching a wad of maternity notes hoping that upon arrival at the hospital they wouldn’t mistake my bulk for a woman about to go into labour. I regretted the bag of Malteasers (family size) that I had scoffed the night before.
He who helped create them and I arrived in the waiting room, it was 8.55am, we had the privilege of being the first happy couple to be given an ultrasound that day. We waited for the nurse to call out name and I leafed idly through a Hello magazine from 2008 whilst chatting with the speed of an over enthusiastic teenager;
‘shall we get one photo or two’
‘can we tell the twins tonight?’
‘we cant tell the sex yet?’
I babbled on and on as he who helped create them assumed a neutral expression and nodded in all the right places.
We were called into the room, I almost skipped with the delight of knowing I would soon have a glimpse of my little bean who had been tiring me out for the last three months.
I lay on the bed, cold jelly sticking to my tummy, the nurse smiled at me as she placed the camera on my tummy, I raised my head and turned to the screen.
I saw a small dark image, calmly lying still in my womb, a silent shadow just resting and waiting for a chance to say goodbye.
I felt a tear softly ease down my cheek and a squeeze of my hand; I heard a plea rise in my throat and then fall away as words would have been useless.
I heard a soft sorry from the lady with the camera and I felt my heart crack.
I looked again at the image of what was not meant to be and whispered hello and cried a farewell.
I turned to a fabulous father and fell in his arms.
Heaven claimed another angel that day.