Two parties this weekend, and we had one last week and one the week after next. In fact the twins almost require their own diary to chart their social life. Luckily though since it was 2006 when me and he who helped create them last went out we are letting them monopolies our calender instead.
There are pluses and minuses to having children with more going on in their lives than you. The minus being you become a human taxi, why they don’t let kids get their licence sooner is a mystery to me. The plus is at five most parties are dump and run. You bring child to home/village hall/soft play centre (delete as appropriate), spit on their face as you hurry them out of the car and throw them into a room full of brightly dressed over excited children. Whilst dashing back to your car you pause only to scribble an illegible phone number on a sheet of paper whilst turning off your phone with the other hand; throwing a quick backward glance to the poor mother who is already on her third round of counting heads and is clearly desperately regretting inviting the whole class.
I must confess the whole drop off concept amuses me greatly and sometimes if I am feeling wicked I like to mutter in the mothers ear as I walk past; “by the way twin girl has a nut allergy she will swell up like a beef tomato if she even smells one and twin boy is always projectile sick if he consumes a lethal mix of party sausages and party rings. But he is fine if he only has one or the other.”. With that I sprint out of the room linford style, clutching my mobile which has mysteriously ran out of battery.
*can I point out here neither of the above ailments are true but I am that awful type of person who finds humour in others distress and some opportunities are too good to miss*
The party mother always exacts her revenge by foisting sugar ladened lollies and sherbet dips on my unsuspecting darlings. Thus turning my mild manner ed children into a version of the chuckle brothers on speed by party pick up time. And guaranteed by bedtime they are both and come down and are climbing the walls trying to escape the sugar monsters only they can see.
Oh but for the two hours they are shaking their booties to agadoo and doing the conga me and he who helped create them like to find a nice pub with silent baby beautiful. For two hours we are what we have never been; a couple with one baby. We don’t talk, we just sit and recharge revelling in the free childcare that was purchased via a wrapped up board game and some sweets.
Then we pick them up and get back on the merry go round again.
Did I mention I am running a marathon this year? Feel free to read why at www.justgiving.com/jane-blackmore