In Hollywood mornings with children lull the viewer into a huge falsehood. Cuddles with mom and dad in a super size bed as daylight streams in through the bay window are happily depicted; and often mom has already been downstairs and made pancakes on the aga after quickly satisfying Daddy’s morning glory.
For anyone reading this with a belly full of arms and legs or if you are contemplating adding to the world’s population let me quickly disillusion you.
Mornings are brutal and often naked. Unless you have a bathroom per body in the house it will always involve screaming and dancing. This morning I watched a naked twin boy do the foxtrot whilst grabbing his manhood yelling childish expletives at his sister who was cheerfully sitting on the loo picking her nose. All this before six am. By the way twin boy was naked owing to an earlier bathroom trip where he failed to wipe his backside correctly and hence he had stripped and hidden the evidence. I relish the task of hunting for poo stained PJ’s post school run.
We did have cuddles in our medium sized bed. BB bagged her spot early by wailing loudly at four am and refusing to stop until she snuggled into the much coveted spot in the middle of the bed. However the cuddles were more an attempt by me and he who helped create them to try and sleep until the sun at least did its first morning stretch rather than a way of showing adoration for our early morning wakers. An over zealous cuddle meant twin boy inadvertently kicked he who helped create them in his crown jewels, therefore solving the issues of any morning glory for today and some mornings to come by the look of agony on his face.
And as for pancakes?
Breakfast comes from a cardboard box and is mixed with milk and seasoned with mummy shouting ‘hurry up we are late for school’
This is typical of a week day; should you wish to know about a weekend day please re read and in the last paragraph replace the word ‘school’ with whichever weekend activity you have chosen to taxi your children to.
Should you not have children, please take a moment, enjoy the peace.