Its inevitable isn’t it. We just ate brunch at my parents home up north and have managed to pile ourselves, the dog, half of argos, some of Mothercare and a lot of toys r us in the car in order to undertake the excruciatingly painful drive back south when twin girl declares ‘I need a poo’.
We are six miles from my mothers house, twin girl is buried in the back of the car behind a German Shepherd, a baby seat with real sleeping baby inside and a bag full of rather tasty food that I just pilfered from my mothers cupboards.
We initially attempted the ignore and hope it will go away parenting technique.
Please note this ‘technique’ is never used on twin boy. Should twin boy ever declare he needs a poo whilst we are in the car emergency actions are instantly put into force. He who helped create them applies instant hard pressure to the brakes and I catch the dog as she goes sailing towards the windscreen. Twin boy un plugs his seat belt whilst wiggling manically and screaming ‘its coming, its coming.’ He who helped create them and I then pause to have a little row about whose fault this is. This part is crucial to the process if not the event would not be half as stressful.
Then one parent (well me) leaps out of the car and grabs twin boy who often has trousers round his ankles at this point and then procedes to contort his body into the popular sitting on a chair but there is nothing there yoga position whilst manoeuvring own body to ensure falling poo does not attach itself to own clothes. Poo is then picked up by hand in carrier bag and disposed off in most hygienic way.
So actually although it is frustrating and mildly annoying that twin girl has chosen this moment to decide to drop a literal bomb it could always be worse…it could be her brother.
The story ends with a dash into MacDonalds ten minutes later after twin girl refuses to ignore us ignoring her, we then had an amusing chat in the toilet with twin girl asking what this place with the golden M is.
However beautiful baby is wide awake again and we have 200 miles to cover. Anyone want to trade places….