My stress levels are rising, my blood is ready to boil,
Four and a half years of parenting has finally taken its toll.
They argue over nothing, shout like they can’t hear
The naughty step doesn’t work anymore, there is nothing that they fear.
I don’t believe in violence, hitting kids is wrong,
But I am ready to throw an almighty paddy and oh boy its going to be long.
Sometimes I wish I could follow the school of thought that directed my dad and mum,
And reward bad and naughty behaviour with a great big smack on the bum.
When I was growing up and acting just a little bit cheeky,
I remember my nanna leaning over to me and saying to me meekly;
‘Stop that now little miss or the punishment will befit the crime’
Which instantly started me moaning and I had a whinge and whine.
Thwump! the palm would reach me, high up on my backside
Little or no warning meant I didn’t have time to scarper and hide.
‘That’ll give thee somat to moan about’
My lovely old nan would say with a shout!
Quite right as well the moans and wails would very quickly cease
And the house would once again descend into calm and peace.
I don’t remember any actual pain
In reality the smacks were actually pretty tame.
It just ensured and guaranteed that I wouldn’t play up again.
But still I plunder on whilst my children play me for a fool,
One acts like an angel to hide the other breaking a rule.
The naughty steps a haven where they can relax waiting for the whole four minutes to end,
Pondering different ways that they can drive me round the bend.
Mischievousness is a condition by which my children are afflicted.
The only time I sample quiet is when my monsters are in bed.
So help me other parents, are there lessons as yet untold?
What is it that you do when the itch in your hand takes hold?
I love my little devils with each and every chamber of my heart,
But there are times when I could happily leave their company and depart.
So for those of you reading this for who the naughty step is still a cure.
Your toddler clock is ticking so keep your eye on your little him or her.
When the day comes that you realise they aren’t really sorry,
Then head over to this blog with speed, yes that’s right you must hurry.
Hopefully the generous readers will leave a comment below
Saying the best ways to parent and put a clear end to my strife and woe.
Any tips are welcome and I can help in return with kids under three,
After that I’m rubbish so don’t come asking questions of me.
If you want to try and tame them name a weekend and I will keep it free.
And I will pop off to the spa and have some time for me, me, me!